Strings Of Harmony

♫37♫ Love Can Fade; It Always Does

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Love Can Fade; It Always Does

 

“H-he’s just a friend,” I stuttered out, as I clung tightly to my guitar.

“True story,” Harrison piped up, from behind me. He then turned to me to say, “Um, maybe now’s not the perfect time to uh, do what we were gonna do, so I should probably head on—”

“No, don’t go!” I said, as I grabbed ahold of his hand and pulled him back.

Carson’s eyes were bright with fury as he looked at me. “Are you kidding me? You’ve only been gone for three days and you’ve already gotten yourself another boyfriend? Do you know how sad and depressed Sterling’s been these past few days?”

“We’re not dating!” I angrily shouted back. “Can’t I be friends with a guy without raising any—”

“You’re such a slut, Juliet!” he furiously shouted out.

I felt my jaw drop open in surprise. I blinked a few times as I felt his words seep into me; strong and clear. Tears started to well up in my eyes as I stared at the houses behind him.

It’s as if Carson suddenly realized what he had said because his facial expression suddenly softened as he said, “Juliet, I’m—” He made an attempt to grab my arm but I quickly jerked it away from him.

“No, shut it!” I shouted, as I cut him off. “I can’t believe you just called me that.”

“Juliet, please don’t—”

“I’m done with you, Carson. I am so fucking done with you!” And then I found myself running out of my house. I heard Harrison shout something behind me, but I didn’t quite catch his words.

All I kept hearing inside my head was ‘slut.’

Slut, slut, slut, slut.

I wasn’t a slut. I’ve never even kissed a boy besides Sterling let alone losing my V-card!

Not able to hold back my tears anymore, I felt them start to spill down my cheeks as I gasped for air. My lungs felt like a deflated balloon—all popped and flattened. I suddenly found myself back at the beach and I plopped down angrily onto an old, worn-out log. It was still moist from the ocean mist but I didn’t care. I folded my legs up to my chin and then stuck my head between them.

All I kept hearing were Carson’s words.

‘You’re such a slut, Juliet.’

I hate him. I hate him so, so much. Why couldn’t I have liked someone like Sterling? He likes me just the way I am and he’s sweet and kind and nice and he treats me well. But instead, I had to fall for a stupid, moronic jerk who does nothing but hurt me again and again with his words.

Does this make me a masochist?

I don’t know how long I just sat there and cried, but it must’ve been a while. I was finally jolted out of my stupor when I felt the log shift in weight. I didn’t bother to lift my head up to see who it was, but if it was Carson, then so help me I will—

“Juliet…”

“Go away Carson!” I snapped. “Get away from me! I don’t want you near me. I want you out of my life!”

“Juliet, I know you don’t mean that.”

“Oh really? Because I’m through with you! I’m totally over you.” I lifted my head up from my knees to glare at him.

“I know you don’t mean that,” he repeated, rather stubbornly. He avoided eye contact with me. His gaze was fixated on the log in front of him. He glared furiously at it.

“Who says? Love can fade; it always does.”

“That’s not true,” he said, through gritted teeth.

I scoffed. “Even if it isn’t, I’d rather find someone else to love than to continue loving some boy who does nothing but hurt me again and again. I want you to leave me alone. I don’t even have a fucking idea why you’re even here. If you hate me so much, then why’d you even come? You could’ve saved yourself the trouble and the money to—”

“Because I love you!” he suddenly shouted, as his head snapped to mine. His dark blue eyes sparkled with rage as he looked into my eyes.

My breath hitched in my throat. He doesn’t mean that. That’s what he told me last time and look what he did to me.

“I don’t believe you,” I said, as I turned my head away from him.

Thump, thump, thump, thump…

Stupid heart: stop beating. Those words don’t have any meaning. He’s just saying that so he can hurt you again.

“I never loved Jennifer! I only hung out with her because I really wanted to get you out of my mind because seeing you with Sterling hurt me a lot! I’ve never stopped thinking about you! Juliet, please look at me,” he said, his voice suddenly cracking.

Oh my god, was Carson crying?

“I’m sorry I called you so many mean and hurtful things. I was stupid and I was angry and they just tumbled out of my mouth in a moment of anger but you have to believe me. I’ve never felt this way towards anyone before—not even my ex. Please, Juliet,” he pleaded. I think I heard his voice shake a little, but that could’ve been my imagination.

I bit my lower lip and didn’t say anything.

“I know you like me too! I saw the message you sent to me…” He hesitated for a moment before saying, “The video. I’ve probably clicked on it a million times by now. I know you love me too.”

“Love is too strong a word,” I retorted. “I don’t love you. I hate you—know the difference.”

“Juliet!”

“Go away!” I screamed, suddenly not able to hold back my emotions anymore. I got up from my place on the log and then continued, “Leave me alone! I don’t want you here anymore! I have no idea how I ever ended up liking someone like you, but I can assure you it won’t happen again! You’ve basically ruined my life! Do you know that? You’ve screwed me up badly, do you even realize that?” I hastily wiped away the tears that were starting to cascade down my eyes. “Are you happy now? Because if your goal was to make my life miserable, then congratulations, you’ve succeeded! Our relationship was never meant to work out, Carson; it was always doomed to break at one point.”

“How do you know that?” he asked, furiously, as he stood up as well. Were his eyes really red and teary, or was I just imagining it? We were practically face-to-face, neck-to-neck…

“Because! Because of the month we’ve known each other, we’ve been all up in each other’s faces, spewing out insults and hurting each other! If you really loved someone, then why would you even consider doing that?”

He opened his mouth, about to say something, but I quickly cut him off. “I’m through with you. So effing through with you.” I turned around and started to make my way back home, away from him, when I suddenly heard him say, in barely a whisper, “Nine hours, Juliet.”

“What?” I stopped walking to turn around and look at him.

“I rode a bus for six hours straight, and then spent another three hours just to find you. I didn’t have an address and your friends were reluctant to tell me it, but I was determined to find you again.” He refused to look at me as he stared at the sand beneath his feet.

“Well I guess your determination wasn’t needed,” I replied, coldly. Then, without even bothering for a reply, I turned around and walked away.

Walking away from the boy I loved and the boy I probably still loved.