Never Had ~ A Louis Tomlinson Love Story

Chapter 27: Love Like War

The elevator walls felt like they were closing in on us, and we had only been stuck for three minutes and thirty seconds. The silence that filled the small space of air was threatened by my screams trying to find their way out, but I held them back to my best ability. I just focused my thoughts on my pink fingernails, refusing to look anywhere else in fear of breaking down.

The only thing that had changed in the last few minutes was that Louis was now on the ground as well, sitting up against the adjacent wall from me. No voice had come in over the speaker and there was no response to Louis pushing the emergency button. I had been stuck in an elevator, but never this high up. It was getting hot and there were no windows, just mirrors around us. Mirrors that showed the pictures I refused to look at, nor accept.

"You alright, Em?" I heard his voice softly. I slowly nodded my head, continuing to look down at my hands so I wouldn't have to face him.

Of course, that plan didn't work when he inched himself close enough to be in which his shoulder was up against mine. The touch of his hand on my chin made me jump and he hesitated before using his two fingers to pull mine closer to his. I wanted to pull away and run, but I was in no position to do so.

"Hey, we'll be okay. Don't worry." I could now see him clearly; everything but his face. He let go of my face and his hands dropped to the floor. I looked down and that's when I saw it: the reflection. Almost identical to the one from earlier, Louis and I were sitting as close as can be. I looked frightened, as I was feeling a bit of that, and Louis just looked concerned. Not concern for himself, or for the elevator, but for me.

That dumb overprotective attitude people get when they think they're in love. It always seems to get that person killed or get them sent to jail, but for some reason I don't understand, they're completely fine with it. In fact, it's as if their life meant nothing to them and their whole world lied in the body of the person they 'loved'. Talk about bull.

That's what I had been telling myself. It was all 'bull'. But even thinking about that, I realized it really wasn't the bull I had made it become in my thoughts. We are really stuck in an elevator. We are really dating. Louis really thinks he loves me.

Something wet touched my hands and I looked back at them, noticing it had come from my face: a tear. Panicking, I tried to wipe the forming ones away quickly, also attempting to keep my makeup from smearing. When I looked down at my hands and saw the lines of wet mascara, I knew it was unavoidable from then on. I sniffled quietly and held my knees close, crying into the skin silently. Of course, it wasn't so silent and Louis eventually heard.

"It's okay, baby. Shh. I love you." he spoke softly, trying to soothe me. But in fact, it only made it worse. I scooted away from him, closer to the doors and hid my face as I shook my head rapidly, more tears forming and the cries getting louder. "Stop it! Just- just stop saying that!" I yelled out and was met with my voice echoing off the mirrored walls. The small room suddenly became absolutely silent again. I stopped crying for a minute and waited for Louis to respond.

"Why, darling?" he stuttered, obviously a bit worried. Stupid 'bull' love. I sighed deeply and rubbed my dampened cheeks with the hem of my dress that was already pretty messy from my makeup stains.

"Because you don't! You may think you do, but you don't." I shook my head and hoped that all the crying was over. But of course now, the harder part was coming. Crying was easy. It's human nature to cry and feel pain. But talking aloud about your feelings to someone who you might feel deeply for: that's on another level of human ability. You have to have guts to do that, and now with my weakened state, I had no guts to say or hear anything about the L-word.

"Emma, you need to stop. Not me, you. Look at me and listen to what I have to say to you." he said, extremely serious. I slowly lifted my head up and looked at him. My lip quivered, wanting to scream and find my way out of this. But I stayed silent and watched the now frustrated emotion that covered his face.

"Everything that has happened to you, for your entire life, has been run by your father. When you were young and you got along, when you were older and he drifted away, and now when he is completely gone. Even five or so years after, you still let him control you. God, Em, how do you expect to live and be happy if you give into him so easily?" he sounded disappointed, and that tone on it's own made more tears spill.

"I just- I don't understand why you do that. Why you keep all your feeling and emotions bundled up inside for that long. If I were you, I would've been screaming for help a long time ago. But this, this isn't healthy. It's obviously breaking you apart and I can't stand to watch you cry over things he has caused anymore."

"You need to just get it through your damn think head of yours that he's gone, and he isn't going to hurt you, ever again. Nothing he can do in that tiny little jail cell can ever reach you, having the time of your life with your best friends. Okay? Do you hear me? Or are you just tuning me out, because you seem to want to do that every time I mention the word 'love'." he sassed and I cried a bit more, shaking my head again while looking down at the floor.

"No." I said softly. "Em, I love you. And I know it hurts you to hear that, but you'd better damn well get used to it because I'm not changing my mind anytime soon." Louis spoke again and I shivered at his demanding tone, somewhat reminding me of my father. I quickly washed that image away when I realized that what Louis said and what he said were nothing alike; I should never compare the two of them like that.

"But, I'm also your friend. Best friend, actually. And you being happy is much, much more important to me than getting to say 'I love you" every day. Just so you know, if this relationship thing ever becomes too much, you need to tell me. With that, I'd gladly step away. You just can't keep me in the dark like this babe; we've been over this. I just want to take care of you, so let me take care of you."

Louis stopped talking and the room became silent again. All I could hear was his heavy breathing, anticipating my next few words. I suppose he expected me to tell him right then that I was done; that I didn't love him and wanted out. Hell, even I thought I might be ready to do that.

But I didn't. I couldn't. Not in a million years could I tell Louis that my dad was more important than him.

So I simply ran over to him and engulfed him in a big, needy hug. He seemed shocked at first, but relaxed and hugged back as I began to cry again. Louis was absolutely perfect. And the fact that I still didn't love him scared me a bit, but I knew it would come in time. I just needed to recover, still, from my dad. I promised him I would try harder and get better. And he smiled at that, knowing I would keep my promise. Louis, although never earning an 'I Love You' back, seemed satisfied and happy with the conversation.

The breakdown was over. The worst of the storm was over. The clouds were drifting away and my sunshine was back, smiling at my and kissing my temple countless times as we waited for the elevator to work again. I had calmed down and although I looked like a mess, I sure felt a lot better.

"I promise, this time, Lou. It'll be good, now." I spoke quietly and he softly pressed a kiss to my swollen lips. A jerk movement shook the elevator and we both noticed that we were moving again. I guess things were finally 'going up', if that's not too cheesy for you. It's way to cheesy for me. But hey, I can do that now. I'm working my way up to being in love.

(Ugh this is so short and I am so mad at myself! But hopefully I can write something longer either tomorrow or Tuesday! It has just been the worst weeked for me, so sorry that this sucks. First I hit my toe on something and my toenail is coming off, meaning I can't play soccer all week, which honestly is already killing me and we've only had two games. But my football team beat our rival school so that's good. Anyways, hope the upcoming week is good for everyone! Don't forget to comment, vote, and follow me! xoxo Katie)