nocturnal ↭ myg ; pjm

[18] love is not over

[myg]

Have you kept the truth from someone you love but you wanted him or her to know so badly? Have you been keeping a secret even though this guy or girl beside you deserves to know? But suddenly, you accidentally said it out loud when God has finally decided to, like, it's been too long or this is the right time or how long are you gonna keep this? so then and there, in like a life-and-death situation, He forced to run it past your lips.

I feel like running out of breath. Either from all the running or at the way he looks at me. He got his eyes on me and the only option I know is to look down, still keeping a firm hold on his hand.

His lips are moving. He's speaking up. Should I wish that he heard me or should I wish the opposite?

He is asking me again and again to the point that he needed to yell, but I just stayed there, watching our shoes and a piece of gum stuck on the floor.

I was thinking of a way to get out of this, but the next thing I see is our apartment. He dragged me up to here and I almost did not realize from overthinking too much. I asked myself: How would I take that back? and Is he angry? and so many other questions attacking my anxiety, making it even worse, but I managed to stay calm on the outside.

"Hyung," he calls, and this time I raised my head to meet his gaze. "Spill the beans." Authoritative voice and fierce gaze, he shoves off my hand from his.

"You heard me right. We're not brothers," I mumble. I watch him as he sits down the sofa, grabbing a fistful of his hair.

"What are you talking about?"

"You," I started, "You're adopted."

Somehow my voice came out as a whisper. I really don't wanna tell him.

It's him who's adopted. I wish it was me.

And that was his time to explode. He turns the table and kicks on everything on the floor, asking me why no one has told him. He is calling us liars. For lying to him, he says, and keeping this to him for the 21 years he's been living.

This is what I was always afraid of, but this is inevitable, I know. I wish mom could've told him instead. I wish he is talking to her instead, because I don't really know why we've been keeping this.

"I planned on telling you sooner. Trust me, Jimin, I did."

"What I'm asking is why do I know this just now?"

It was like a period after every word.

Glazed eyes and pool of tears. I just want this night to end, but I don't want us to go to bed mad at each other. I don't want to end this yet another night without his love, without his touch, without him beside me, and without him telling he loves me back.

But it will.

And there's no need to freak out as long as tomorrow exists, so I won't lose hope on having him back.

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*drowns myself*