nocturnal ↭ myg ; pjm

[19] like a butterfly

[pjm]

In front of my so-called mother, I thought we were the ones keeping a secret as we talk to her how we've been doing, but I was the one being kept a secret from. Being adopted wasn't much of a big deal to me. Of course I'm hurt, but I've lived for 21 years and nobody has told me and that hurts so much more.

Maybe I look like a fool calling them mom, dad, brother and sister. I don't know nor do I have to care anymore.

"Jimin, open the door. Let's talk about this."

On the other side, Yoongi is yelling. While me? I trapped myself in this cold room, watching the little droplets of water hit the floor and crawl its way down the drain. I just listened to the sound. I want to be alone. Even for just a day, I want to feel nothing. There are so many questions I want to ask him, but I don't want to have even just a little conversation.

I can hear his sobbing, pleading and apologies. And just like the trickles of his tears, my eyes decided to open the faucet that's been hidden inside.

"Jimin, please. Let's not end like this. I was afraid and I'm sorry. I don't know what exactly I was afraid of but I'm sorry. Please," he tells me through his sobs. "At least come out of there. You'll catch a cold."

The last line he said was a whisper, like he just whispered on my ear and everytime he does that I know how much care he put on me. I love how he does that to me on bed, how he whispers sweet and soft nothings to make me sleep, and how he would hold me in his arms tightly but carefully.

And I was never like him.

For all the love that we did, I've never given him the gentleness as such. I was always harsh. I want him to feel the care he has always given me, but right now I'm the reason why he's hurting again.

"I'm really sorry. Forgive me."

I don't know what exactly I want anymore. For us to get over every little thing we did? Or for us to get over this matter?

Can be both, right?

I played with the hem of my shirt as I sat down leaning against the door. I imagined rain pouring over me, and I remembered that one time we went out to play with mud pools and went biking. I hurt myself when I slipped and he was there to carry me back home and treat my wounds.

There I wondered why I don't look like anyone as I stare down at him cleaning my wounds.

But I hadn't asked anyone of them even once.

Was it my fault?

I sighed to myself before standing up to turn the knob shower close. It is really cold getting wet, so I went out the bathroom to get changed, but I found Yoongi asleep by the doorstep. I carried him to his bed, but before I could regain my posture back, he holds my hand.

I miss his touch.

I miss his everything.

I hold him back. He looks at me through his glazed eyes, and quickly went in for a hug. He's holding me very tightly, this time not carefully, like his life depends on me. I try unravelling his arms but every effort is no use.

"I'm soaking, hyung. Let go."

"I won't. Tell me you won't let go of me too. Tell me that... y-you still love me."

I still love you.

His small hands that perfectly fit on mine is warming my cheeks, wiping the tears off my face. And I hate how he does so.

"Jimin, say something. At least call me Yoongi. Please."

"Hyung, stop this."

"Call me Yoongi, Jimin. Please. I love you."

Tell me you love me again. "Please stop."

"Do you remember how I easily gave in to you? I was a-actually happy that you've given affection to me first, because I know I can't do it. I was really shy to tell you how I actually feel. Maybe I acted like I don't care at first, but I was really, really happy. Trust me."

He cries on my chest and I let out muffled cries. I can't take his pleading anymore. I can't take his cries. If I can't ease down mine, how will I ease his? All I ever pleaded is for him to stop; he's making me have a hard time.

I'm making him have a hard time, so I'll be the one to put a stop.

"We already talked last night. I told you we're over."

I love you.

After this day, I won't give him affection no more. After all, I'm still considered a part of the family.

I'm sorry.

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idk why i cried writing this tho it isnt that emotional okay

it's taehyung's bday♡ he's my boyfriend shh

if you guys have ig, feel free to follow me on @fkingangel or @starpxrks