Hannah's Story

Chapter 15 - Hannah

Hope you enjoy this chapter. It's not very eventful, but it's necessary.

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HANNAH

Thankfully, the fallout from Ethan's semi-weird reaction to his first meeting with Gabe was minimal.  Gabe had only complained on the way home and made a comment or two the following morning.  I guess I couldn't really blame him.  Jesse had informed me that he'd tried to talk some sense into Ethan after I'd left.  It must have worked to some degree, because at game night two weeks later, everything went smoothly.  Jesse had been on alert, ready to step in and keep the peace, but it seemed as if Ethan had finally accepted the fact that I could date a guy who wasn't him. 

Gabe and I had been on maybe a half dozen actual dates since we began seeing each other.  We had managed to hang out at his place here and there, and he'd come to three game nights so far.  I knew I couldn't escape the conversation we were currently having forever.

"I really like you, Hannah," was his opening line after getting into the car following our most recent dinner.

"I like you, too, Gabe," I replied.

"Would you like to come back to my place tonight?" he said.

I had been to his apartment before, but not after going out.  Usually, if we went out, he dropped me off at home afterward.  I had the feeling this was more than an invitation to watch TV.

"And?" I asked, hoping to see if I was reading the situation correctly.

"Hannah, do I have to spell it out for you?  We've been going out for over a month.  I feel like you like me as much as I like you.  I'd really like for us to take the next step," he said.

"Gabe, I really like you," I began, knowing my answer was not going to please him, "but I've told you before that I may need more time before I'm comfortable enough with our relationship to have sex."

I could see the anger on his face, although he fought hard to conceal it.  His protruding arteries and clenched jaw gave him away.  I felt really badly, but I had warned him.

"So you don't want to have sex with me?" he asked, looking hurt.

"Yet," I said.  He just continued to stare at me as if he didn't understand what I was telling him.  I was thankful he hadn't started the car.

"I want to have sex with you," I explained.  "Just not yet."

"Any idea when?" he asked, placing his palm on his forehead and pulling it down over his face.

"I want to be in love with you," I said.  "I slept with Ethan, and looked how that turned out.  My friends were always saying, 'You've been together forever.  You must love him.'  But you know what?  I didn't love him.  Not the way you should love someone you give your whole self to.  I convinced myself that since he was safe, it didn't matter what kind of love I felt for him.  I was wrong.  I don't want to make the same mistake twice."

"Are you saying you're not in love with me?" he asked, both hands now gripping the steering wheel.

"I'm saying I want to be sure.  Neither of us has used the word 'love' yet.  I'd like to at least hear it and use it a few times before sleeping with you.  Can you at least see where I'm coming from?" I asked.

He sighed, and reached his right hand out to take my left hand in his.

"I do," he said.  "It's just that I'm impatient and horny.  I'm not used to dating a girl with standards as high as yours, but you're worth the wait."

I was hoping he was being truthful.  I wasn't really good at reading guys.  I really hadn't spent much time with any dateable males since breaking up with Ethan.  The dates I'd gone on usually ended in either chaos or boredom and that is where my experience came to a halt.

Physically, I was completely ready to sleep with him.  He made me feel things that Ethan never did.  Mentally, though, I wasn't sure.  I mean, I guess the feelings I had for him could have been construed as love, but I always expected more than what I currently felt.  Maybe I was wrong and this was it, but being around Max and Rhia my whole life had me convinced that feelings could go deeper than what I felt for Gabe at this moment.

"Sorry if I disappointed you," I said as he started the car.

"It's alright.  What's another week or so?" he said.

I silently hoped it only took another week or so. 

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The morning following our date, I stopped by Gabe's room to see how he was doing.

"Morning," I said as I walked in. 

"Morning," he said as he approached me, planting a kiss on my lips. 

"The door is unlocked," I said, reminding him that we were in a public place.  I didn't know if they could kick me out of student teaching if I was caught in a compromising position with a faculty member, but I didn't want to find out the hard way.

"Sorry," he said.  "See what you do to me?"

I laughed nervously as I pulled away from him. 

"Okay.  There aren't any students here this early, but I'll lock the door," he said. 

He walked over and fumbled with his key for a minute.  Then he walked toward me, reaching out his hand and gently pushing me closer to the wall.  It happened to be a spot beside a cabinet that could not be seen from the small window in the door.  His lips were on mine in a second, and his hands were roaming frantically over my body. 

I pulled away, suddenly sobered by the sound of the arrival bell ringing.  "Gabe, we can't.  Not here.  This is wrong," I said as I ducked out of his arms and moved just out of his reach.

He just stood there, turned slightly toward me and staring at me with a confused expression. 

"Sorry. I told you I wanted you badly," he said, a trace of a smile playing on his lips.

I returned the smile, moving closer to him.

"Good things come to those who wait," I said, pulling him in for a quick kiss before unlocking the door and heading to Janice's classroom.

I got there as the first few students began streaming into the room.  As I was greeting them, Janice came over and stood beside me.  As the last students walked through the doorway, Janice pulled me into the hall.

"Hannah, I know you like him," she said, her voice at a whisper, "but don't let him get you in trouble.  Your student teaching advisor is here this morning for her unannounced visit.  Don't worry, I told her you were probably talking to a few students about yearbook when I couldn't find you."

My face was burning up and I knew I was blushing.  "I'm so sorry.  I only meant to say hi, but I got distracted.  Thanks for helping me," I said.

Janice smiled and placed her hand on the small of my back.  "It's okay.  Now go in there and show her that you're a great teacher."

I walked into the class, nervous yet ready to do well.  I had prepared my lesson on comparing and contrasting Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew with the movie Ten Things I Hate About You.  As it turned out, my students were really into it and carried the discussion for me.  I noticed Dr. Obranovich, my advisor, smiling.  Hopefully, that was a good sign.

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