Hannah's Story

Chapter 40 - The Guy(s)

Back again.  Late as usual.  Hope you like it!  Pic is Rachel's outfit, since Jesse's description stinks.  😜

JESSE

I wasn't sure why, but I was agitated from the time prom started. The minute we walked through those doors, I felt like I shouldn't be there. Something was off. I kept looking at Rachel, hoping the sight of her would ground me, but it wasn't working. Maybe it was the fact that I'd finally be experiencing sex tonight, and looking at Rachel had me thinking about it more than I wanted.

I also felt bad for not talking to Hannah as we walked through the doors. I remembered that I had promised her a dance, and I didn't want to disappoint. She probably really didn't care much anyway, but I wanted to stay true to my word.

The first thing we did was talk to some of Rachel's friends. The girls did the talking while us guys stood around looking awkwardly at one another as they waited for whatever the girls decided came next. The girls were laughing and squealing. I didn't care what they were talking about since they were happy.

The band began to play a song that Rachel really liked, so she pulled me by the hand onto the dance floor. It was quick paced, but I kept up with her, even if my dancing was horrendous. When we stopped, I found myself looking directly at the back of Hannah's head. I was caught off guard by thoughts of waking up beside Hannah at the beach, our legs intertwined and the smell of coconut in her hair.   Why would I think about that here, tonight?

"Jesse!" Rachel scolded, "What is wrong with you?"

I couldn't very well tell her where my mind had gone. She'd be furious, with good reason. I shivered.

"Nerves, I guess," I answered. It wasn't a complete lie. She didn't have to know that while I should have been thinking about her, my mind kept flipping through the recent non-platonic thoughts I'd had about Hannah.

"That's such a cute and nerdy way to feel," she said, leaning in and kissing me on the lips.

"It is, is it?" I asked, flirting back. 

We kissed for a few minutes before another one of Rachel's friends came by to talk.  "I'll be back," I said, attempting to walk across the dance floor to where Hannah was talking with Mr. P.  I thought maybe if I danced with her, my mind would stay focused on Rachel and what we were about to do.

I got about five feet before I heard, "Oh no, you don't!"  I felt a hand on my shoulder as Rachel pulled me back toward her.  "This is my song," she said, as the band began playing an old Backstreet Boys slow song.

As Rachel's head rested on my shoulder, I watched as Hannah talked with Gabe on the other side of the gym. Gabe met my eyes, then looked at Rachel, as if telling me to pay attention to my date. I nodded, as if telling him I understood, and tried looking everywhere but in their direction. I felt bad. I had to get that dance out of the way so I could focus.

When the song was over, Rachel and I sat down. "Are you having fun?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said, not sure if I was lying or being truthful.

"You seem really distant," she said.

"I can't relax. I keep thinking about later," I said. It wasn't a lie. My mind was on a constant loop ........ sex with Rachel ........ Hannah ......... sex with Rachel .......... the dance I promised Hannah .......... pay attention to Rachel ......... sex with Rachel ............. sleeping beside Hannah ............ dreaming about sex ..... with Hannah .......... then back to sex with Rachel. It wouldn't stop.

"I'd say we could go now, but I want to enjoy the prom a little," she said.

"No, that's okay. I'm okay. Do your thing. We'll go when you're ready," I said, not wanting my spastic inner dialogue to interfere with Rachel's night. It wasn't her fault my brain was haywire tonight.