The Boy Next Door {{EDITING}}

1- Four Years

It's been four years.

It's been four fucking years since Kris left me.

"You've got it made." They tell me. I'm supposed to agree with them. But I don't.

Kris left me right at the height of my career. She didn't even give me a choice or a second chance. She left me without even looking back. Now she lives in Columbus, living with some guy named Asher or Ashton.

I just wish that I could be him. He's so fucking lucky, and I worship the ground he walks on.

I fucked up though. Now thoughts of dying are all that are running through my head all day long. Maybe I could just walk into traffic. Or I could overdose on something.

That gun that I keep beside my bed became too tempting. It's like it was drawing me in. Begging me to use it. I had to get rid of it.

"Baby, what are you thinking about?" Amber, my girlfriend asked suddenly, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I looked at her and faked a smile, inhaling sharply. "Nothing." I lied. "Just zoned out for a minute, is all."

Lie, lie, lie... That's all I ever do anymore.

"Oh, okay." She chuckled, kissing my temple.

Everything about her reminded of Kris. But nothing about her was even like Kris. I didn't feel the same spark when she touched me as I did when Kris touched me. She didn't even look like her.

Amber was tall and curvy, while Kris was short and skinny. Amber had short blonde hair, while Kris had that long, beautiful, raven black hair.

When I started dating Amber, I thought it'd be easier to get over Kris. The fact that she was absolutely nothing like Kris comforted me. It made me think about her less. At first. But anymore, all I ever do is think of her.

I just can't hurt another girl. That's why I haven't told Amber how I feel. I don't want to take the chance of crushing her. She doesn't seem like she's in love, but I just don't want to take the chance.

I used to write about Kris every single night. I released two songs after we broke up. Alone, which I did with Sleeping With Sirens, and Her Song. I didn't even bother releasing the other hundred or so I had written.

I can't even believe I would ever do that to her. Whenever I would ask Kris to give me some, she would. Even when I didn't ask, she was glad to. But then that one bitch... That one bitch came along and I was suddenly attracted to her, and I wanted her.

I feel bad for the poor girl though. I blamed her for everything for the longest time. It wasn't her fault. She didn't even know me. She was just a good fuck. I wanted something I couldn't have, but I did it anyway. The girl (whose name I don't even remember) tried to contact me for the longest time and apologize, but I just told her to fuck off every time.

I'm such an asshole.

All I ever do is hurt people.

"Hey, I have to take him to his dads." Amber told me, picking up her son on her hip. "I'll be back in a couple hours."

I nodded. "I love you." She said quietly. I nodded again, not being able to say it back.

She frowned and walked to the door. After she left, I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding in.

She's gone. Now you can get a fix.

If you use enough, it will kill you.

I grabbed ahold of my ears tightly, trying to silence the voices. "Shut the fuck up." I begged them, collapsing onto the floor, rocking back and forth.

Come on, it won't even take that much! You know you still keep your needle.

"Please, stop." I pleaded, squeezing my eyes shut.

Not until you use again. Just a little more, is all it will take. You won't even feel it.

"No!" I yelled, standing up quickly and almost falling over. I ran to the kitchen, looking in the drawers hastily, searching for a lighter.

I finally found one after a few minutes. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my blunt and pressed it to my lips and lit it in effort to silence the voices.

Once they were finally gone, I leaned against the wall, and slid down. I must've sat on the floor for hours, because Amber had come back while I was still there.

"What's wrong, babe?" She asked cheerfully, handing me a Mountain Dew.

I shook my head. "Tired, is all." I lied, taking a drink from the bottle of Mountain Dew.

"Well, you were up all last night working on your new album." She pointed out, sitting next to me on the floor. "But, I know you're lying to me."

I looked at her with a confused expression. "I'm not lying to you." Lies. "There's seriously nothing wrong." More lies.

Every fucking time I open my mouth, that's all that will ever come out.

She shook her head. "Stop. I'm not stupid."

"I never said you were." I argued.

"Well, that must be what you're thinking, because you think I'm gonna believe every lie that comes out of your mouth." She raised her voice.

I put my head back and gently hit it against the wall a few times. She continued talking. "Now, tell me what's wrong."

I sighed and looked down at my lap. I thought for a minute. "If you are thinking of another lie right now, I swear to god, I will leave you right now. Tell me the truth."

I ran a hand through my hair. "Jesus Christ. Here goes nothing." I said to myself. I looked up at her. "I haven't been happy in a while."

She scoffed. "Clearly."

"Let me finish." I told her, holding up my hand. "Do you remember me ever talking about a girl named Kris?"