Killer Protector (Jeff the Killer story)

Chapter 42

Chapter 42

Ben has been working on looking for the Oliver Ferrell I've been trying to find. He's hacked into loads of data bases but since I don't have enough information on him, he can't find him. It's frustrating. He's not mentioned on my grandmother's records other than her mental institution files. Who the hell could this man be? I need to know before Ben loses all interest in this plan, before I start losing it and before my enemies come to finish me off. I'm sure they've grown impatient...


Jeff's POV

I was out on a kill, when it started. The noises...they came again...

They haven't stopped since the day they began. The machines, the voices....that familiar sobbing...

The sobbing gets me every time. Her pleads, her cries, her saddened voice... It just breaks my heart. And what confuses me is...no one seems to notice these noises. When I hear Ellie's crying, I always check on her and see that she's perfectly fine. And I can still hear her crying as I'm looking at her smiling face...

What the hell is going on with me? Am I actually losing my sanity now? I was already insane but not to my full extent. The part of me that still cares, that still feels emotion, is all the sanity I have left.

My kill was supposed to be slow and painful, but with all this frustration and anger I didn't keep up on my desires. I stabbed that woman to death, over and over. Never even gave her a chance to scream or run. I stabbed her chest and bashed her head in. Even when she was finally dead I still stabbed her blood drained body. The room was a total mess. Once I had enough I backed away and looked at my work. I felt nothing towards the mangled, bloody body of something what was once human. I turned it into a complete abomination yet I don't feel proud. This is the best I've done in a long time. Why am I not complimenting myself? Why am I not satisfied with this bloody masterpiece? I don't feel anything towards the fact that I just killed again. I don't feel proud of the blood on my hands and face. I don't feel the thrill of having finished the job. I don't feel the grace of having done such a lovely sin. I feel nothing...nothing...

I had gotten angry again and started slashing the furniture in the room. Then I stabbed the body some more. I broke all the picture frames. I turned over all the chairs and tables I could find. I destroyed nearly everything I saw. But it did nothing for me. I went back to the body and had taken it apart like a machine. I smacked organs against the white walls. I smeared blood everywhere until I ran out of the stuff. I tore out the bones and broke them down. I did all I could to get that rush back. To feel the way I had before. To just feel something...!

I wore myself out and had crashed out in one of the slightly cleaner rooms that I hadn't done as much damage on. When I woke up I was still in the room I crashed out in. When I looked at the destroyed furniture around me I wondered how it got like this. It wasn't until I walked through blood smeared hallways and saw mutilated organs did I realize what I had done last night. How did I not remember what I did? Look at all the damage I did...the things I destroyed...the woman I made into a mess on the walls...

What happened next is something I never did before after seeing my work. I looked at all the blood and doubled over. I vomited on the floor and retched. My stomach churned from my sickness and my throat burned from my own chemicals. Once I pulled myself together and stopped I got up and stumbled towards an exit. I didn't want to look at the mess I made. I'm disgraced by this. But why? Why?! I should be satisfied! I should be amused! I should be proud!!! I should've...I should've felt something!!!

I left the house, making sure to stay hidden to hide myself and my blood stained clothes. I made it back into the forest without any police following me. I wonder how long it will take for someone to discover my mess. Does it matter though? It's not like anyone will catch me. But at this rate maybe that day will come, when my stupid rage makes a reckless scene and I get put in jail, or get a death sentence. I don't care though. I don't care anymore.

I stay out in the woods for a while. I don't want to go home feeling like this. As I strolled through the woods I heard the noises again. God dammit when will they stop?! I covered my ears to keep them away but it still came. The wretched machines. The terrible conversations. The sickening sobbing! I couldn't take it anymore! So I came up with a solution in that instant.

I dropped to my knees and grabbed a hold of a tree trunk. I had to make it stop. Make it stop. I bashed my head into the bark and screamed. I did this over and over again. My skin broke and blood seeped down my face. Until I grew tired I stopped doing this. I fell across the dirt and panted. Now I have my own blood staining my clothes. I stared up at the sky, thinking about my own self inflicted pain. I was bothered by it. Not because I actually hurt myself but because...it didn't hurt...

I felt no pain. It was like I wasn't even smashing my face into a tree. I should have felt pain. I should feel the blood seep through my wounds and slide down my skin. I took a shaky breath and tried something. I picked up my knife and stared at the gleaming metal. I raised it above me and plunged it into my chest! And...

Nothing...

I did it again. Nothing. Again and again and again but I got nothing. No pain, no feeling at all. Just an empty touch. I threw my knife to the ground next to me and laid on the dirt of the forest. I don't remember passing out but after a while I woke up. I'm not dead yet. But why not? I did so much damage to myself yet I'm not even dying. This...this is unreal. This isn't right. Not only do I not feel emotions as easily anymore but I don't even feel pain? No...this isn't right. Something is wrong. The voices came back all of a sudden. They talked about me again. And this time I listened in closely.

Any luck?

Nope. Nothing.

God dammit, when will he come back?

I don't know, okay? I'm wondering too so don't get pissy with me!

I wasn't getting pissy! If anything you are!

Shut up! And fuck off!

Why don't you make me?!

UGGH lets stop! God.....what's happening to us? Look at how quickly we argued, man.

It's just the stress. Let's just calm down...

I'm sorry...

I'm sorry too....let's just discuss his condition for now, okay?

Sure.

So has he been getting better or worse?

Still the same as ever. He's shown no progress.

Damn...

I heard someone start to cry slightly and then...

GOD DAMMIT!! WAKE UP ALREADY JEFF!! YOU MOTHERFUCKER!! STOP NAPPING YOU LAZY FUCK!! UGGGH!! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!! JUST WAKE UP AND COME BACK!!! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO INTO A STUPID COMA, HUH? WHY..? WHY?!

Ben calm down! Jus-!

FUCK YOU JEFF!! ELLIE IS SUFFERING AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS SLEEP! WAKE UP DAMMIT! SHOW ME THAT YOU'RE STILL ALIVE!! SHOW ME THAT YOU CAN HEAR ME! SHOW ME THAT YOU STILL HAVE THE STRENGTH TO WAKE UP AND PROVE THAT YOU STILL CARE!!! PROVE ME WRONG!!! SHOW ME!!!

Ben!!!

WHAT JACK?! WHAT THE FUCK IS IT?!

Calm down! Your eyes are glowing brighter and you know that's never good! So just relax.

......All right....all right...I'm so sorry....I...I'm just gonna...just gonna get some fresh air...yeah...

There was shuffling and I heard footsteps and a door open and close shut. Silence. A whole eternity of it. And finally it was broken.

I'm sorry Jeff. If you can hear me...I just want you to know that we love you and...well we'd really appreciate it if you came back. All of us need you...We're all sorry. Slender feels guilty about letting you leave back then. We had missed you then...and now...it's just ridiculous. We want you back. Come back to us. Come back to reality. Just...just come back home...

Footsteps walked away and I heard a door open and close again. After I was sure the noises had stopped I thought. A coma. I'm in a coma...? No...no, no, no I couldn't be. All of this, this forest, this town, everyone back home...home, this all had to be real right? I did just hurt myself, I did just kill a woman brutally, I did everything before and it was real.

No it wasn't.

Of course it was. All of it is real. Those great moments spent with my friends, my girlfriend, my pets; they were all real.

No they weren't.

Every kiss I gave Ellie. Every warm hug I embrace her in. Every time we hold hands. I felt the love. The love I have never felt in so long. I hadn't felt so loved since Slenderman took me in as his own. All of that love.

It was fake.

My friends. My best friends. Those stupid times we did stupid things. It was amazing. It was all amazing. It was all amazingly real.

It was nothing.

It is something. Something real. Something true. It meant something. It meant everything. And everything is real. All of it. It was never fake and couldn't ever be.

You're lying to yourself.

I'm not. I couldn't be. Why would I lie at a time like this. When I'm bleeding out. When I'm in distress. When my friends need me and I won't come to life.

You're dying.

I'll never die. Not as long as I stay with everybody here. I'll keep up the lie. I'll pretend to live this life. It's all pretend. It's all me. It's all real. If I'm real then this is real. I'll pretend to feel, to care, to be happy. I'll pretend to live.

This isn't your life.

Yes it is. It's my fate.

It's not real.

It's real. It's life.

It's a lie.

No it's not.

You're going to die.

No I won't.

You're killing yourself.

I can't be.

Go back.

No, I'm home.

Home was never real here.

Yes it is. It's always been.

You're going to die this way.

I'll live.

You'll live a lie until you die.

No I won't! Stop. Stop it!

You'll die and suffer.

No I won't!

You're dying.

I'm not! I'm not! I'm not dying! I'm perfectly alive!!!

Alive in a fake world.

Shut up! Shut up!

It's fake.

No.

Fake.

No it's not!

You won't live.

Of course I will! I will!!!

You will die.

No! I'll live! I'll live this lie!! It's all a lie!!! It's just a lie. It's not...it's not real...not real.. It's fake. It was always fake. My mind made this. It betrayed me. I betrayed myself. This isn't my life. This isn't my home. This isn't my world. I'm not awake. I'm alive but not awake. I need to wake up. Wake up! For everyone; Sally, Slendy, Ben, Jack, Masky, Hoodie. My precious dog and lovely cat; Smile and Grinny. And Elizabeth. My love, my world, my true life, my everything. I'll do anything for her. I have to wake up to love her and protect her. Protect. I'm her protector! God, I'm a failure! I'm horrible! Here I am in a god damn coma and god knows what could be happening to Ellie! I have to go back home. But...but how? Can I wake up on command? Maybe? Damn, I don't know. I can't keep this up now that I know that this isn't even real.

I sat up right and looked at the forest around me that was never even real. It's hard to believe but I have to believe it if I want to go back to reality. I looked down at my bloodied clothes and my wound on my chest. It stopped bleeding but I still wonder how I felt nothing. You can still feel pain while in a coma right? If so then how come I can't feel a damn thing? Are my pain sensors not functioning? Is everything not functioning? If nothing is functioning then my body will shut down. And if my body shuts down then I'll.....then I'll die.

I have a feeling that I don't have much longer. I need to get back home. Back to the real world. I stood up and started walking to the mansion that is now a figment of my imagination. Nothing is real here but I'll have to act like it is so I can at least live a little. I have to keep on trying to get back home. I gotta wake up soon, before all hope is lost for everyone and before I die. I can't feel it but I know I'll be croaking within the next few weeks. I have to get back by then. I'm coming home. I will come home. Back to my family. Back to consciousness. Back to my life. I'm leaving this hell hole. I'm coming home.