She Wouldn't Say Goodbye. (Guns N' Roses)

Twenty Nine

-Izzy-

I gripped the streering wheel, my knuckles turning white. The shiny lights behind blasted in red and blue form. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead, I felt the back of my neck tighten as the Police officer walked over to my car window, he shown a flash light down at the drivers side window and waited for me to roll it down. 

"Hello, there. I don't know if you're aware of this but you have a tail light out?" 

My words felt caught and quirky in the back of my mouth as I tried desperately to say something coherent.  "No, Sir, I was not aware." 

He kept shining his light into my face, I was trying so hard to hide the fact - I was really high. Very high. Oh and also I had two suitcases of cocaine in my trunk. 

"You know it's against the law for your vehicle to be below standard for driving?" I nodded my head, "Yes, sir, I am aware of that. I will go to an auto parts store right away and get new bulbs for the tail light." I declared. He chuckled a bit, he probably knew I was high. He was testing me. "Do you have a license on you tonight?" I shook my head yes and began searching around for my wallet, which I soon found tossed in the passenger seat. I quickly pulled it out, "Here you go." I handed the photo id to the Police Officer, trying my best to make sure my hands didn't shake.  "Do you have a registration as well?" The officer asked, looking over my licence finally taking the flashlight from my face. I carefully opened the glove compartment, not remembering if I had any hidden drug paraphernalia in it, I grabbed the registration out for him an handed it over. 

"I'll be right back, you sit tight here." The officer said as he walked off back towards his cruiser. My heart thumped against my chest as I tried to calm down, I hadn't drove recklessly, it was just a tail light. I did nothing wrong, if I'm super lucky I won't even get a ticket. A million thoughts ran around in my head as the minutes passed by, most of them consisting of the suitcases in a trunk filled with illegal drugs. I remember the look on -fuck, what was his name? Eddie's face as he told me his fucking stipulations. Of course he wasn't just going to hand me eight hundred dollars, so now I'm driving all night to get to San Francisco - and If for some reason this police officer gets the notion to check the trunk of my car I could go to jail for years. 

At least fifteen minutes passed by before the officer came back, "Where did you say you were headed Mr. Isbell?" He questioned, handing my licence and registration back to me.  I cleared my throat as I sat the two items down. "I'm going to San Francisco to visit my brother." I lied, letting it roll off my tongue. He didn't seem phased by my response.  "I'm not going to write you up this time Mr. Isbell. But you need to get this tail light fixed as soon as possible." I nodded my head, "Absolutely, Officer, thank you."  "Have a goodnight, Kid." He waved me off, before walking back to his cruiser. Kid, eh. I was more than thankful that I didn't get a ticket, or get busted. Boy- if he only knew. I started my car back up and pull off the side of the freeway, back onto the fairly empty stretch of road. For the next few miles or so the police officer cruised just a few feet behind, until he pulled off at an all night diner. I didn't even realize I had been holding my breath. 

-Kat-

-Journal entry-

~2:39~

It's been around two hours since Izzy left to go make his delivery, 

Ax has been sitting on the bed watching  movies for the past - I don't know, since Izzy left I guess.

I can't help but to be worried, I feel guilty since this really was my ideal. I should have just let

Izzy find some other way to make the money, granted it probably would have been just as bad- but he wouldn't have had to drive to San Francisco. 

I'm not really tired or I would go to bed, I would take something but I haven't really taken many drugs lately. I usually shoot-up with Iz, but lately he has been taking way too much. I don't think Axl knows that I've done Heroin. I think he'd be really mad if he found out, he would probably be mad at Iz. Since he deals and all. 

I feel like everything lately is going by so fast, and I'm not sure I'm really happy with the way things are going. I'm pretty sure we are going to get kicked out of this place soon, I mean- I could be wrong. 

And honestly... I kind of thought Ax would have asked me out by now. It's almost like we've lost connection. We used to have - I don't know. I miss us. We've never been together, but we haven't kissed or anything recently. All any of us ever do anymore is get drunk on cheap wine, the guys write songs and play music. Izzy has London and Axl has been hanging out with Tracii Guns. I literally have no friends other than Ax and Iz. And I can't quit thinking how I want something more with Axl, but I think the topic is hopeless.

Not to mention I think Izzy has ''feelings'' for me. And I wish I could say I didn't have feelings for him back. But we've always been friends, and It's so easy with him. He isn't complicated like Ax. He's always honest with me, and I wish I didn't sometimes think of him as more than just a friend. Even if Axl doesn't like me anymore or never liked me to begin with it would still piss him off more than anything if he thought Izzy and I liked each other or were together. I wish everything didn't feel so wrong. 

I guess my best bet is going to sleep and forgetting about it, I have to get up for work at six-thirty anyways.  I  hope things start to look up soon.