A Mistaken Wish (#Wattys2016)

Chapter 33-Burning My Heaven

"the most quite and most painful wounds are that of the shattered heart"

*********************************************

He

Have you felt the pain of killing yourself........

Have you felt the pain of ripping yourself apart a thousand times.......

Have you died a silent death over and over again.......

Have you lived the hell........

Well I was, I was living the hell and not just any hell I was living the hell I created for myself. I still cant believe myself for what I was doing. I knew I would never forgive myself for doing it but I had to. I was my worst nightmare. I was breaking her but the pain I was causing her hurt me many folds more than It did her. Anyone who knew would think of me to be mad and yes I was acting like a mad but I had my own reasons. In just a blink of an eye my heaven was on fire and I was the one putting on the fire.

The fire I started was burning me too. But I did not have an option.

I felt cursed. I still could not forget the day I lost my soul.

FLASHBACK

I was packing to come back to Delhi. In my family except my brother no one knew about my relationship with Ashi. I wanted to tell them at right time. I believed that they would never object to our relationship because my Ashi was just so adorable that hating her was never an option for people they loved her naturally. So while I was packing I didn't notice my phone was there on the table while I was packing Shubham came in with movie tickets and so we went out for movie. As we were getting late that in hurry I left my cell at home. After coming back from movie I saw my mom with my laptop on her lap and a very shocked expression on her face. As I came near I saw my and Ashi's pic folder on my laptop with hundred of our pictures together. My brother saw it too and started making excuses for saving me and I love him for that but I knew I had to tell my parents about me and Ashi someday and above all I did not want to lie to them. I have never lied to my parents and they have always understood me and I was not going to lie to them this time also and if I lied then it would also be an insult of my feelings for Ashi so I came forward and sat on my knees near my mom with my hand on my laps. I took the laptop from her hand and kept it away. She was still very shocked seeing those pictures.

"Mom that girl's name is Ashi. We have been together for past 8 years. I love her with all my heart. I didn't wanted truth to come out like that, I wanted to tell you everything myself but now that you know so I won't deny the truth. She is the one for me mom. I don't know how and when I fell for her but I love her more than anything." I said to her truthfully.

"you will love her once you meet her. Please mom you have always been there for me, please do understand me just one more time. I will never ask for anything else. Please mom." I looked in my mother's eye hopefully

My mom looked in my eyes and something in her eyes this time was scaring me. she looked so distant so broken. I have never seen my mom like this.

After few moments of silence my mom held my hand and asked me

"How much do we mean to you Shiven?"

I did not understood why was she asking me that but I still replied

"you all mean the world to me. I exist because you are all exist."

"today I'm asking you for just one thing in my life Shiven do not deny me that" my mom looked pleadingly inmyb eyes with tears in them

"I would do anything you ask mom. I promise. Please just don't cry." I had never seen my mom cry and I was ready to even give up my own life if it was what it was needed to take those tears away.

"Even for a second if I meant a thing to you Shiven , you will leave Ashi. you will break all ties wth her and never look back at her. You will break up with Ashi"

The moments those words left her mouth I felt my soul leaving me.

Leaving Ashi. Staying without her.

From the moment I fell in love with her I have never for a second thought of living without her even for a while now living my life without her felt like a nightmare. A scenario I can't even imagine.

If my parents were my life then Ashi was the reason of living it. If they were my body then she was my soul and the thought of living without my soul, without any reason to live.....what will I live for If I loose her

I fell on my knees and the only words that left my mouth was

"Please don't do this"

My mom stood up and said "If you love us Shiven, if we mean anything to you, you will do exactly what I have asked you. You will leave her and never look back."

Saying that she left the room and I left my soul.

FLASHBACK END

And since then every time I was rude to her or hurt her. I was hurting myself way deep than hurting her. I time she broke I died a new death and it was so painful that I could not even scream.

For the first time the saying that ' broken heart was more painful that broken bones cause when bones break, you can scream but when heart breaks there is no sound the only thing you feel is pain.

Pain, Guilt and Loneliness

The only things left for the rest of my life.

********************************************************************************************

HI GUYS HERE IS THE NEW CHAPTER HOPE YOU ENJOY.