A Mistaken Wish (#Wattys2016)

Chapter 35-Purgatory

She

"I love you, but you have to walk away", I said saying several deaths in a moment.

The pain in his eyes was enough to haunt me for a lifetime.

I just wanted to crumble down right there and cry my soul out but I could not because I had to be strong to give him strength to do what was needed...right now my strength was the only thing which was keeping him away from breaking down and I could not right now let him break like that.

The only thing I don't regret in this situation is the fact that we tried everything to make 'us' happen. But maybe some love stories have to complete being incomplete. His mom didn't give us a chance and I could not allow him to choose because if he did that then I knew I would loose something for which I could give up anything, his happiness.

And so here I was convincing him to walk away to walk away because I knew that I would never be able to keep him happy. My love or for that matter me will never be able to replace his family from his heart especially his mom. And the wound I was giving him may heal with time but if he loses his family I knew I he would be lost too, forever.

"How can you even suggest it", he walked toward me after hearing what I said with a hint of anger and a lot of pain in his eyes.

"We have to love" I cupped his face in between my hands and looked in his eyes trying to convince him.

"You have lost it Ashi, is this that solution you came up with" he removed my hand from his cheeks

He held me by my arms firmly and said, "How exactly do I have to convince you that leaving you is not an option and I'm not giving you up even for my life because you are my life. How could you even say that. Do you even know what you are saying."

"I know its hard but tell me will you be able to live without your family because you don't get to keep both of us" I said holding his hand in mine.

"I know what I'm saying is not easy but we have to do right by them" I said

"I'm not ready to do right by anyone if that means that I will have to loose you and there is nothing you can do about it" I just said with finality in his voice.

But I had to convince him....I had to convince him to walk away.

"you have to listen to me we have to do this, I know you are hurting but we have to do it for them, we owe it to them, you owe it to her" I tried

"Why are you doing this to me, you know I can't live without you." He said with hurt evident in his eyes.

"I can't live without you either but you also understand that there is no way your mom will understand and we can't be that selfish that we give her up for our love. Love is never selfish and neither can we afford to be selfish."

"Then we will find another way to convince her but please just please don't make me do this. I can't lose you. You are my everything. I can't choose anything above you" I knew it was killing him.

"How do I choose anything above you..... I love you..... I can't give you up..!!", he said in a desperate voice

"you are not choosing anything above me because there was no choice in the first place......you are not giving me up.....you are just doing what's right."

"You will be fine love.....you will be happy", she said with tears in her eyes.

"My happiness is YOU.....how precisely do you suggest I stay happy without you", he said, now a little angry.

"But you can't stay either, its not about us anymore love.....their happiness is at stake too.....if you don't walk away now.....you will lose theirs forever.....and with that yours will be lost forever too.....we can't be that selfish...we have to do it for them." She said, trying to reason it with him.

"I Love You" he said it like those were his last words.

"I Love You Too and that's why you have to walk away." She said with all that was left in her.

"there was never a choice to be made, we were just trying to fire and water together"

I could see realization settling down on him and I could also see the desperation and panic and for the first time I saw something in his eyes I had never seen before, Fear.

I could see fear in his eyes.

And that tipped him off and I just hugged him and couldn't hold back the tears anymore and just cried y hear out. He just kept holding me.

"Forget about everything and everyone, just answer one question will you be able to live without me....?" he asked holding me with his chin resting on top of my head.

I have been asking the same question to myself everyday that ho exactly will I be able to live without him and I knew the answer was NO but I also knew that I would never be able to live with myself if he were to choose between me and his family and I couldn't lose his happiness and I also knew that he wouldn't be able to forgive himself for doing that and I will be guilty in my own eyes.

After a while I knew I had to go so I just got up and was going to walk away when he suddenly held me by my waist and crushed his lips on mine. This kiss was nothing like I have ever felt before. It felt as if he was pleading me not to go but I knew I had to so I with all the resolve left in me I broke the kiss. He kissed my forehead and I turned away knowing that I will never be able to turn back to be with him again and so I walked away but before fading away I turned back to look at him just once and what I saw left a scar on my soul that I knew would never heal.

I saw tears in his eyes and they were there because of me and at that very moment I became my worst nightmare living with constant hatred for myself.