The Boy With The Blue Eyes; Phan

Why didn't you wake up?

I wake up with Dan next to me, and he has his shirt off; obviously.
I never understood why he does it, but I guess he just feels more comfortable that way.
I sleep with my clothes on, because I feel like it's more simple.
But would you rather wear something comfortable to bed or nothing but your pants?
(That means Underwear. Get on my level.)

I shift positions and lay on top of him, waiting for him to notice and wake up. But he doesn't wake up, he stays asleep. I nudge him, but his eyes don't open.

I push his shoulder a bit, and those beautiful brown eyes come into vision. He smiles and looks up at me.
"Why didn't you wake up? I know you're not a heavy sleeper." I shake my head.
"I liked the feeling so I wanted it to last a little longer." He smiles a big smile and I laugh.

I get up off him and head to the kitchen. I hear him whimper in the distance. "Philllll come back and love me you sporkkk." I laugh and pick up a cooking book from a cabinet. I blow the dust off because this hasn't been used since Dan and I moved in together.
August 10th. I blush a bit.

I remember all the times we spent together, and how sexually frustrated he made me feel almost every day, but I shake the thought away.

Life was kind of awkward back then.
I couldn't exactly tell Dan I had a huge crush on him. I mean, seriously? Could I have?
Probably not.
I should have, but maybe he didn't feel the same way. And it would have been awkward if he didn't. I must have done something in the last 5 years that changed his mind.
But what?

It wasn't anything I could have done on purpose, right? I mean it's not like I planned for him to fall in love with me.

But there's one thing.
We're not in love.
We love each other, but I don't think he or I are in love.

I love him. But am I in love with him?
Is he the one? Could he be?

I look over at a picture of us in Jamaica, and think.
Maybe I am.
Is this what love is? What if feels like to be in love?

He doesn't feel the same. He loves me, but not the way I hoped.
A part of me loves him, but another part of me wants to be in love, and I don't know if I can afford falling for him.