And I think that that's the only reason I let Pj stay here, so I wouldn't feel alone.
I'm not using him, and no, I'm not a bad friend.
We sleep next to each other quite a lot. It never goes far. Having him here makes me think less about being alone at night.
He's simply a temporary replacement. Maybe not so temporary.
Of course, I can't kiss him goodnight; or good morning. I can't hold his hand while we're watching films. I can't curl up to him at the really scary parts. I can't kiss his forehead and tell him everything is going to be okay. I can't hold him for an hour straight. I can't lay down with him and talk for hours. I can't really hug him for that long. I can't ask him if I can sleep with him when I can't fall asleep. I can't make lover's pancakes for him on Sundays. I can't wear his clothes.
I can't fall in love with him.
Because all of that is for Dan.
Or was.
"Phil? Are you alright? You look ill." Pj places a hand on my forehead. "You're burning up, Philly." He says, frowning.
"I am?" I say, touching my own forehead. I am a bit warm, I guess?
"Go lay down, I'll bring you something." He says standing up.
"Okay mom." I say and head upstairs.
I wait in my room, at the edge of the bed. I'm sitting mostly, looking up at the ceiling.
He seems to be taking a while, so I start to try a Mad Libs™ sheet.
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I must say I don't know if it could have turned out any better. I did my best, I think.
Pj walks in balancing a blanket on his head, a bowl of soup in his hand, a spoon in the other, and surprisingly a dvd on his hip???
"How did you even manage to do that?" I say, pointing to his hip. "I have many things you don't know about me." He smirks and hands me the soup.
It's alphabet soup :) "Aw thank you, Peej." I say and start eating. He starts playing the film on my tv and puts the blanket over us.
"I really appreciate you doing this, Pj. You didn't need to make me soup." I say.
"You're a priority, Phil. Eat." He chuckles. We watch the rest of the film and it starts to get really late.
"We should get to bed." He says, popping the disc out of the disc tray. "We?" I say setting my bowl down.
"Yes we, now c'mon." He smiles.
He pulls me towards his body and snuggles me. I instantly blush and try to make it a little less pact.
This is not cheating. This is not cheating. I am not cheating.
I shake my head and get goosebumps when I feel his breath on my ear.
The next words follow and I'm not used to being told.
