The Boy With The Blue Eyes; Phan

You'll Be Like Part Of The Family.

"Well um. You see..."
I explain everything to them, about what happened a few months ago, about what happened recently, about how I got kicked out.
The good part about them is that they never interrupted me, they just listened.
Especially Zoe.

"So when are you planning to explain to Phil?" She says.

"Well.." I look away. "I can't really contact him because he has blocked my number and has blocked me on all my social media so there's no way he's taking this lightly."

She gasps. Alfie nods.
I grab Nala onto my lap and ask, "Do you think there is a good side to this? Is it ever going to be the same?"
Alfie and Zoe look at each other.
"Well Dan.." Zoe grabs my hand in hers. "The thing is that when it comes to things like this, especially because he kicked you out, it's difficult for him to just forget it happened. But if it all goes well, maybe he'll forgive you. But there's always going to be that gap."
I nod, and Alfie turns off the tv.

"Don't worry," Alfie says. "Until then, you'll be like part of this family." He smiles.
"Thanks." I nod.

-
It's about time where I should go to bed. It's 11 and I don't want to stay up late because I didn't sleep last night when I was with Phil.
I check my phone, and it still has nothing to remind me that he's still an actual person.

I can't look at his twitter posts or anything because I'm restricted to.
So there really isn't anything I can do.

I lay in bed, trying to fall asleep. But my thoughts won't let me. They keep telling me to stay awake, telling me that Phil could walk through the door and talk to me.
And even though I know that's nonsense, I do it.. For him.

For him... That's really all its ever been.

But most of all I think the main thing that was always on his mind was, 'what about Dan?'
And It was good to know that it was.
It was kind of worrying, too because he took better care of me than he of himself.

I cover my face with my hands.
But I had to go and mess things up.
Like I always do.

Why do I have a habit of messing things up that are going so well?
Phil and I were doing so well.
But I just had to mess things up. And this is what came of it.

I was being an idiot. Maybe good things weren't meant for me.
I don't deserve Phil.

I don't deserve my life, because all I do is mess it up. Or find someone to do it for me.

I finally am able to fall asleep, but then Zoe comes and knocks on my door.
"Dan! Breakfast!"