august 15th, 2016
she tricks herself into thinking that having social anxiety means other people won't bother her. but they will.
they'll try and make small talk, bringing up her failures and her courage to try. try. as in, not succeed.
she'll burn up inside, filled with anger and rage until she can't take it anymore. she answers without thinking. and her own mother growls at her, making it known that she's an idiot. that what she's said is foolish and prejudiced simply because she didn't make it.
when she doesn't talk, others ask her why. it doesn't sound like it would cause harm. after all, it's normal to chat away with other people. right?
she would rather stay hidden away, out of sight. but someone is dragging her closer into talking. so she does. because, she has to.
and then.. she says something foolish. stupid. small. selfish. hateful. embarrassing. gross.
and the craving to cry fills her up inside. why did she talk in the first place??
