november 14th, 2016
this is not a note of hatred. it is instead a vent of happiness, of connection, and of restlessness that seems to sprout from sleep.
i am happy. and for no reason, no less. i'm in a library but there are no references, no meanings behind my feelings. i don't like to think about that.
because if i do, this simplistic euphoria will crash to the ground. one gentle wind will blow this tower over, and i will be smothered in ruins.
i like to believe it's because of the super moon. a certain magic is hanging in the air, stardust perhaps is found even in the most ordinary places this week. perhaps this perfect fleeting of reality is just what i needed. i think i really did.
i have a hunger to feel alive. i'm always striving to find it >> that one thing that will make my gray heart beat rainbow ink. i am willing to do anything to find it. willing to crash to the ground. willing to blow this tower down.
i don't, though. i wouldn't. instead i tread carefully on this frosty dreamlike ice. i have to, in order to keep this sanity. oh, but i am not sane. and this is far from sanity. i feel like i'm floating above reality, watching everything that's happening in the clouds instead of looking down. why would i, anyhow?
i am content! i am happy! i am free! i am searching for a way to find out i'm alive. this world is full, but this universe is eternal. the stars up above are millions of miles away. galaxies swarm above the glaciers of alaska.
a color array hovers above the arctic animals that play at dawn and wander at dusk.
i am happy. i am content. i have never felt better.
and i am learning, not to question it.
