november 10th, 2016
the more i think the more my heart races but my feet are picking up the paces my mind is turning more and more be still but i can't my fingers are turning to white my soul a dark shade of gray my hopes and desires are being kept away
from
mysElf.
i've tried to hide, i've tried to run, i've tried to walk i've tried to not feel alive
but
i am i am i am. i cannot escape this overpowering feeling of doing everything wrong and trying so fucking hard to do it right.
is there a right? of course there is-- everyone around me is shouting in laughter raging in giggles whispering of mistakes made.
walk faster faster faster.
no
i tripped. what a clumsy existence i am. oh please let me stop feeling this
anxiety.
i need to slow down --
no!
dont ! dont ! dont !
you can't you couldn't you're in a mess. you're a wreck yet don't you see that you are drowning yourself
SO EASY !
don't let it win don't sit still and hide don't imagine the lives of others if you simply weren't there
SO EASY !
don't let it consume don't run in the halls don't trip over your feet don't make people promises you'll never ever keep don't be a foolish small-
SMALL ?
remember you were never small ,
you were so quiet that you were
LOUD.
people came from all around trying to force your shine down
STOP WITH THESE CLICHE METAPHORS AND SIMILES
but don't you see
OF COURSE I DONT MY EYES NEED GLASSES another reason to feel obsolete
DONT LET IT WIN
but please tell me how i can?
i need a plan, and you tell me not to run and you tell me not to hide and you tell me not to feel and you tell me not to coast and you tell me not to
I AM TELLING YOU NOW:
JUST. BREATHE. AND. LIVE.
