friday june 2nd, 2017
what is wrong with me? i am filled with anger. I AM FILLED WITH EMOTION AND PAIN. I AM FILLED WITH EVERYTHING I CAN
POSSIBLY HAVE INSIDE OF MY HUMAN HEART. AN ORGAN DESIGNATED FOR LOVE AND FEELINGS, TOSSED INSIDE MY RIBS AND SET ASIDE TO PUMP BLOOD INTO MY MOUTH AND MY EYES.
especially when they see her
MY EYES SCREAM WITH TEARS WHEN THEY SEE HER
with him.
i am so confused. so confused and so twisted- tired and lost and SO CONFLICTED.
i thought i knew what's best for me but now i see
i don't know at all.
it's hard to let her go when she believes all this isn't hurting me. that she didn't hurt me. and i thought that maybe she would be one to fight BUT AS I LET HER GO,
she accepted and looked forward to the future with a sense of healing herself and i.
am i not enough to fight for? this has happened to me twice- when i say i am going to walk away,
they do. and they don't turn back.
but the funny thing is: i know no matter what she could have promised me in those moments after telling her,
she wouldn't have been able to keep her promise. this is not about what different things are affecting her life, this is about who she is inside. and about how she can not change.
or at least i hope so. otherwise i have just painfully let her go
for nothing.
