impossible year; adopted by brendon urie

don't want to trouble you

Brendon notices that something's up with his daughter, but he doesn't question it, he knows how it feels to be thrown into a tour headfirst and not know which way is up. Andy's the first one to ask him about it "Hey, Maya's been acting weird lately." He places his drumsticks on the table, looking to Brendon. Brendon nods "I don't know man, she said she's tired, I can't think of anything else that might be up." Andy shrugs, returning to his converstation with Patrick. Dallon's the next to realise something's changed, her entire vibe on stage is thrown, and she's hardly excited to be up there. She plays, she sings, she talks to the crowd for a bit while Brendon swaps guitars, and then the return to the bus, where she goes to sleep almost immediately. Most bus days she sleeps as they drive, only getting up to use the bathroom, eat, or go to soundcheck and the show. On the group's off days she ventures outside the bus with the others, but remains quiet, staying in the background. 

She falls into her bunk, pulling her headphones out and playing some quiet songs as she falls asleep again. Brendon pulls the curtain open, looking at his daughter, who looks completly drained from their day walking around the city. He rests his arm on the edge of the bunk "Kiddo, what's wrong?" He asks softly, taking her hand gently. She shrugs "I'm just tired, it's fine." Brendon shakes his head slowly "Maya this is more than tired, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?" She nods, Brendon sighs "Sleep tight." He mumbles, pulling the curtain back across and moving to the lounge with the rest of the band. He sits next to Dan, picking his phone up "I'm getting Gerard to talk to her, if anything he can get her to talk." He sighs again, Dallon nodding.

Maya's phone buzzes just as she's about to fall asleep, she groans, picking it up and rolling on to her side.

hesitant alien: hey space girl

maya: hey 

hesitant alien: is hey all i get?

maya: idk

hesitant alien: maya what's wrong?

maya: nothing, i'm just tired

hesitant alien: brendon's right when he says this is more than tired. take it from someone who slept and drank their way through two years of depression, you've gotta talk to someone if you're feeling down space girl. 

maya: i'm just tired. this tour's been going for ages and it's been really busy.   

hesitant alien: maya it doesn't matter, if you don't try and talk to someone and get some help it'll just get worse. trust me, you can talk to any of the guys, your dad, pete, patrick, tyler anyone on those busses and in those bands will always be there to listen to you and help.

hesitant alien: and i'm always here

maya: it's just that everything feels really hard and everything's getting so complicated in my head

maya: like what if no one actually likes me? what if they just like me because i'm brendon's daughter? i feel so useless, i'm only good because i'm famous for something i have nothing to do with in the first place.

hesitant alien: you know that's not true, everyone loves you maya. you've got an infectiously bubbly personality, they like you because you're just like your dad. you can make people smile with the simplist of actions, and you don't even know you're doing it. yes you're famous for being their daughter, but it doesn't make you any less you. you're special space girl, don't forget it.

maya: thanks gerard :)

hesitant alien: any time kid x

Maya drops her phone onto her pillow, climbing out of her bunk and jumping to the floor, pulling a blanket around her and walking to the lounge. Brendon looks up as she enters, she sits in his lap, leaning her head on her dad's shoulder "Thank you." She mumbles, hugging him. He smiles softly "I love you kiddo." She nods "Love you too dad."

As much as she tried talking to the band members around her, Gerard, and her dad, she only felt more and more weighed down by her own mind. Every show she'd begin questioning whether the crowd really liked her, or if it was all just an act. She felt worse and worse, but still tried to spend equal amounts of time with the group of bands as she did sleeping and questioning everything around her. She stares at the roof of her bunk, and the few photos taped there. Photos of her and Amelia, photos of her and Pete as well as the others, and a family photo of her, Brendon, Sarah and the fur-babies. She finds herself wondering if she deserves any of this, if she was worthy of it. Why should Brendon and Sarah have chosen her over any of the other kids there on that day, they would've deserved it more, they would've cared more. They wouldn't have been so problematic. Maybe Maya shouldn't stay, maybe she should go back to Rachel, or even back into the foster system. Maybe Rachel winning the court case was really for the better, maybe she deserved to be hit and yelled at, maybe Rachel was right, maybe she was useless. Maybe she was wrong, and ugly and rude and horrible and didn't deserve anything she was given unless it came in the form of slaps and spiteful comments. 

Maybe they should have adopted someone else.

a/n: nooo maya nooo. here's the start of some angst for you, sorry this is basically a filler but... we hit 700 reads ! you guys are amazing and i don't know what i would do without you, so this chapter is because you're the best and i hope you have a great day/night :)

hope you liked it !

grace x