thinking ⎈ yoonmin (completed)

thirteen

everywhere i look, i'm only reminded of him

•

yoongi;

i run out of my apartment building with a cigarette hanging from my lips. it's not lit, but the feeling of it between my teeth gives me comfort. i speedily walk down the next few blocks, needing the fresh air to fill my lungs, rather than the intoxicating smoke i would normally let capacitate them.

i run a hand through my freshly dyed hair as i keep my head down. i don't want anyone to see the tears threatening to spill out of my eyes. reaching my desired destination, i throw the cigarette to the ground. i walk into the building, heading straight to the elevators. i practically bump into somebody as the doors open and i go inside.

soon enough, i'm up on the roof, my feet dangling over the edge.

my mind wanders as i try to forget about this morning. i had been woken up by a dream that was too realistic for my liking. and to try and get my mind off of it, i came here. this roof holds special meaning to me and the fact that that jimin kid wanted to interrupt that just infuriated me.

but instead of thinking about that, i drift off into a fantasy where i actually let my body slip from this edge.

but i don't.

i don't jump.

i don't fall.

i don't let go.

instead, i let more tears out.

i came here to forget about him, yet everywhere i look around here, i'm just reminded of him.

when i look up and see the sun, i'm reminded of his smile; when i look out over all the buildings, i'm reminded of his want to leave this town; when i look down at the pavement below me, i'm only reminded of the last time i saw him.

i was up here, and he was down there. and i didn't-- couldn't stop him.

yet, here i am now, wishing to have the same fate.

i turn around to get up, for my tear-stained cheeks were becoming cold from the brisk air. i start towards the door and exit the building altogether.

when i return to my building, i remember taehyung. he's so sweet and he loves the idea of being my friend. maybe he could help me get my mind off this.

i stop by the lobby's bathroom to freshen up a bit before i go up the stairs to my floor. when i get up there, rather than grabbing my keys and going home, i stop in front of taehyung's door. i knock and await an answer.

but when i get one, surprise fills me.

taehyung said he was visiting his boyfriend the other day, right before he mentioned jimin. and now, jimin is opening taehyung's door?

"oh, y-yoongi," jimin smiles.

"u-uh hey, jimin, right?" i reply.

"yeah," jimin looks down with sad eyes.

"i'm sorry for interrupting you and taehyung, i-i'll just go ho--"

"yoongi-hyung! oh, don't worry you weren't interrupting anything," taehyung assures.

"yeah, but i don't want you to miss out on time with your boyfriend, so i-i figured i'd just go," i say, ready to turn around.

"boyfriend? my boyfriend isn't here," taehyung laughs.

"wait, y-yoongi? did you think i was dating taehyung?" jimin asks.

i stop in my tracks and blush deeply. i turn around, "y-you're not?"

"no!" both of them shout.

"oops, sorry, i just assumed since--"

"yoongi-hyung, come inside. we can all hang out and talk that way," taehyung says.

"n-no, i don't want to--"

"nonsense, sit down," taehyung insists. so i abide.

jimin closes the door behind me and we all gather in the living room.

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a/n: awkward cut-off but oh well

poor yoongs tho.. his crippling depression is making me emo