Blanca Like Snow

Chapter 48 - Trial

       Life continues and when I say that I mean my seclusion in my driven desire to start anew with the company continues. The only times I see the sun are when I have to get out for a meeting. I haven't set a foot at home in days and I don't think I sleep more than three or four hours every day.

Busy is a euphemism to describe my life right now.

But as if the company wasn't giving me enough work, the trial is making it even harder.

The date is around the corner so we need to prepare even more, polish my statement and work with the lawyers in our goal to prove Laura's guilty. Even if we have evidence, this can always be refuted so we need to present strong accusations that can't be denied and will condemn her.

Personal life, enjoyment or even basic things as a proper night of sleep have disappeared from my schedule. And I barely have time to feel bad about it. The biggest thorn in my flesh right now is Will. I honestly haven't seen him in days and even if he drops at the office to see me, the timing is never right. I'm either running to a meeting or discussing with the lawyers or too busy with work and I can barely exchange a quick hello. And I feel terribly guilty —when I do have the time to actually feel and worry about my own emotions— about that because I know he came here to make me company, to support me but I have completely neglected him. I swear it's not on purpose. I miss him, I wish I could spend time with him but I can't just drag him with me like a puppy or arm candy. He's not that and even if I trust him I can't just let him in when we are discussing classified information regarding the company. Although everyone here knows I've been trained my whole life to be where I am right now, I can't just carry my boyfriend with me when he's not even part of the company. That would take all the credibility I need for people to trust me with what I'm doing.

That leaves Will alone, waiting for someone who doesn't come home. Someone who doesn't have the time to see him. To be with him.

I'm so busy I even reply to his texts sometimes two hours later.

Nora told me that Will is making himself busy, which is a breath in the torrent of guilt I have to deal with. If he's busy then I don't feel that bad for abandoning him like this, although it doesn't make it better, but at least he is making something out of his stay here. I know he's resuming his activities, expanding his connections and getting ready to go back to university.

That is a shock for me when I do think about it. Will is still a student, someone preparing to become a working adult whereas I had to rush through my education, starting before I was supposed to. Whereas he has years before work consumes his life, I have already lost my time to work. Yes, in the future things should settle, but that won't be for a long while.

Sometimes I think that, perhaps, by the time my life settles and I have time to actually have something else aside from work, Will is probably going to start to work and fight to make a living on his own and won't have time for me. Or worse... he won't be around. I know Will wants to do so much for this world, he has so many dreams and so many places to go and help. And it's when I think about that when I wonder, when are we going to have time to be together?

It does break my heart a bit every time I think about it.

But I don't have that much time to think, which is the only thing I'm grateful for, otherwise I'd be feeling really blue and lost regarding my love life. I keep telling myself once the trial is over and Laura goes to jail I'll have time to organise my schedule and perhaps make time be with Will or find a way for us.

Perhaps I can go on with just two hours of sleep...

I'll see that when we get over with this trial. With that out of my agenda I'll only have the company to worry about and as we've just started with the reformation, it shouldn't be that bad, should it?