something perfect | m.j

☆36☆

trigger warning: suicidal actions, please read with caution.

☆Graceland's P.O.V☆

Hearing the front door slam shut, I shrink into my covers, beginning to sob once more. I just felt so useless. I cant do anything right, my job, my relationship, nothing. And to think, just last week everything felt so perfect.

Michael and I were in the kitchen, early 2000's music playing through my phone as we started to cook dinner. We danced around the kitchen, laughing until tears brimmed our eyes as we waited for the water to boil. It was like that for the rest of the night, and I remember thinking how genuinely happy I was. How it's been so long since I've felt this way about anyone. 

What's the point of doing this anyways? You can't deny what you've been feeling lately.

It was right. The question has been floating in my mind anytime something bad happened, but I just tried to ignore it, knowing it was just my shitty medication acting up once more. But this, this wasn't my medication.

You put all your love into someone, and they threw you away like trash. Garbage. 

That's all I ever was to him. That's all I ever am to anyone. I'm useful for a good while, then they find out that I'm not needed and throw me away, just like trash. 

I can't take this anymore.

My body began to move as if it had a mind of it's own, standing up from my spot on the couch and making my way to my bedroom. I neatly fold Ryan's jacket, trying to hold in my sobs as I place it on the bed before grabbing a notepad and pen, contemplating what I was about to do.

With four little sentences, I rip the paper out, folding it over before writing Michael's name on the front. I place it on top of Ryan's jacket before walking out of my room and to the front door, not bothering to pull on any shoes as I make my way into the hall.

After three flights of stairs, I push open the door at the top floor leading me out to the roof, the cool November air sending chills down my spine. I shiver slightly, walking over to the far edge, letting the door slam shut behind me. I place my hands on the concrete edge, peering over the side. 

I slowly got up onto the ledge, my fear of heights suddenly diminishing as I sit down, letting my legs dangle in the wind. I sniffle, using my sleeve to wipe away the stray tears left on my soaked cheeks. 

Eventually, I found the strength to stand up, stumbling a bit at the gust of wind blowing. I look down past my feet, watching the cars slowly roll down the street. I felt like vomiting, but at the same time, intrigued as I inch closer.

"Graceland!" The sweet, familiar voice screams from behind me, making my head spin.

I turn seeing Michael standing by the door, watching my intently. All I wanted to do was jump into his arms, wanted to hear him tell me that everything was gonna be alright.

"What the fuck are doing?" I spit, glaring down at him and his eyebrows knit together.

"What the fuck am I-Graceland, what the hell are you doing!?" He screams, gesturing an angry hand over my way. I don't say anything, knowing if I did, I would begin to cry again.

"Graceland, honey please-" "Don't you fucking honey me! This is your doing!" I yell, my voice cracking  as I cut him off. He opens his mouth once more, but I continue. 

"Do you realize how much I love you? How much I care for you? How much I would sacrifice for you? I've never been so happy with anyone else and then I find out that you knocked up Lindsay!" I scream, clenching my fists so hard I thought my nails would break the skin.