Come Back To Me

27

"And that street is where I first met your dad." I smiled lightly as I drove slowly past the tiny alley. After breakfast, Jamie suggested we went sight seeing around New York so she could see places I went to in my past.

"I remember that night." Bucky's husky voice crawled from the passenger seat.  "I remember everything... I was walking by when I heard your voice. You sounded scared. That drunk man cornered you." Bucky rambled on about his memories. I kept my eyes on the road as I drove, but a large smile etched its way across my lips.

"You remember." I half whispered to myself.

I wasnt expecting a reply. I truly was mostly just speaking to myself. But Bucky's voice crept out, and his words made my chest cave in. "I remember a lot of things... Some things I dont want to remember." his voice sounded so broken, so lost. I frowned at his words, biting my lip to look for a response to comfort him. Everything going on in his head must have been torture. Just trying to imagine the terrors that Hydra put this man through was enough to throw me over the edge. And yet, through it all, Bucky was wedging his way back out.

He wasnt broken. He was just bent. Bucky survived through the torment and had lost himself, but day by day he was finding his way back home. Absent mindedly, one hand removed itself from the steering wheel while the other drove, and clasped around my locket. I wasnt even thinking about driving to the next destination, I was just driving.

"Dad, that wasnt you. Dont blame yourself for what they did." Jamie cooed from the back seat. Bucky didnt even reply. He just stared straight ahead, his steel colored eyes seemed lost and far away. But I just drove. I drove and drove until suddenly I pulled into a parking space facing the place I was subconsciously searching for.

What I saw shattered my heart, bringing a lump to my throat. Burning tears brimmed my eyes, threatening to fall. I heard Bucky suck in a breath beside me, understanding what this place was. "Its gone." my voice dared to slip through my hardly moving lips. My throat felt dry, and the words escaped at a barely audible whisper.

The place I knew as a home. The large apartment building where I had come to know my brother and my true love. The place where the only woman in my life I was proud to call my mother died. My old home. It was all gone. All that was left of it was a flat, dirty lot shoved between two towering buildings. I hadnt come to this place since I had waken. I never felt the need to. But with Bucky here, I wanted to visit. But every single brick, every step, every part of my home was gone into rubble.

"What is it?" Jamie asked carefully from behind me. I felt my lips tremble as a small sob forced its way out, and my grip on the steering wheel tightened, turning my knuckles white. I let my eyes flutter closed as warm tears slid down my cheeks in mourning.

"It was her home. The place she grew up in with Steve." Bucky said softly to answer Jamie.

Suddenly, I felt a gentle, cool weight rest on my arm and my eyes slowly opened as I tried to control my breathing. They landed on Bucky's left- metal- hand resting on my right arm and I caught his gaze. His eyes were soft and apologetic, much like I remembered from long ago. The same look he gave me when Sara died. The same gleam in his iris's that showed when Steve almost kicked me out of the Howling Commandos. He felt sorrow with me, not for me. He wasnt pitying me like a puppy. He was empathizing with me, to bring me comfort. Thats what he always did way back when. I never felt like a child with him. I felt respected, loved, and truly safe with him. I was cared for.

I felt a warm hand slip over my shoulder and I glanced back at Jamie who gave me a sad smile in an attempt to comfort me. "Im sorry mom. Lets just go home, okay? Maybe Uncle Steve is back." she suggested in a soothing tone. I sniffled and nodded, using my sleeve to wipe the tears off my cheeks as I pulled back out onto the street, driving toward the shared apartment between Steve and I.