Headcanons of Onity and Friends

#56 - Hilarious Croissant

#56 - Questionnaire -  Hilarious Croissant

Questions by Raqonteur on DA

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Character being questioned: Tyler Crisson

01 What is the worst nickname that anyone has ever called you?

"I've probably had all sorts of shitty nicknames. I had some friends in high school who were pretty cruel. You know what the best one was though? At one point it got around and the entire school called me Croissant. Even teachers. It stopped with the end of the school year but my parents still bring it up. They though it was hilarious. Which is what I call dad. His surname is Hilario. Heh. Hilarious Croissant." 

02 Have you got a favorite flower?

"Not really. But like, I'm down for anything red."

03 Do you add a sauce, ketchup or other artificial flavorings to your food?

"I add extra pepper. I like when you bite down on a piece and suddenly everything tastes like it."

04 Describe yourself using only words that begin with the letter 'T'.

"Terrifically terrible...uh...Ttttfuckup. There." 

05 What is your lover's pet name for you?

"Mike never gave me any names, but Onity will call me anything. A N Y T H I N G. When he learns new words he thinks it's funny to call me by them. Last week I was Bawbee. What's a bawbee? A low valued Scottish coin. You know what I was yesterday? Uniped. Unipeds are one legged humans or animals." 

06 What is your least favorite color?

"Mustard is very unattractive." 

07 Who did you vote for in the last election, and did they win?

"Voted third-party. Mike voted Hilary........ God fucking dammit." 

08 What is/was your grandfather's name?

"Funny thing, I've never met either of them. My dad's mother was a single mom and my mom's dad passed away before I was born. I don't think I know his name." 

09 What is the best present you ever received?

"Uuhh I don't know. My dad gave me this t-shirt with a flame on it that I still wear, but it's not like the best thing I've ever received, maybe the longest kept one. Is that a valid answer?"

10 What is 17 1/2% of 97 + 42 x (6 / 2) – 137 ?

"I don't fucking know, go ask Onity. He could probably answer that shit in his god damn sleep."

11 What would be the best possible way you could die?

"All of them. Every way. All at once. Drowning in the ocean but also at home watching TV and up and dying. At the same fucking time. I don't fucking know. Happy? Maybe with time to prepare and say goodbye if anyone is left."  

12 Given the choice of absolutely anything, what would be your dream job?

"If I could do anything I wanted without problems and with a good pay, I'd probably be like a movie critic. A critic of something. I'd be fun. For me. I choose who lives or dies in the industry."

13 What position do you sleep in at night?

"Squished between the guy who wants all the room and just the other guy who by body size takes up a lot of room. Or sometimes If I switch with Onity, on the floor." 

14 What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?

"I don't know why the hell you'd think I'd tell you. Fuck, just thinking about it makes me what to die." 

15 Who is your favorite fictional character?

"I don't have a favorite of all time.There are characters I think are hella cool though. Example. Those kids from Stranger Things are pretty hard core. Especially Dustin."

16 What food do you hate most in the world?

"Sorry Rose, I don't understand fake meat products. Mushrooms have a weird texture too. Also, avocado???? Is disgusting?? I gotta poke it out my sushi."

17 When was the last time you were ill?

"It happens alot I'm probably ill right fucking now." 

18 If you were transformed into a wild creature, what would it be?

"A Tiger. A giant ass fuzzy cat that could maul your fucking face off. It'd be great."

19 What was your favorite toy as a child, and whatever happened to it?

"I had one of those small battery powered cars that parents let their kids drive in the back yard. Since we lived in an apartment at the time they let me take it to the park and I would run shit over with it. I ran over a ball and popped it, I ran over ant hills, I ran over my dad once, and I ran over someone's phone on accident and ditched the car and hid." 

20 What's the most amazing thing you've ever seen?

"I've seen lots of things. I've seen an alien get chased by angry ass turkeys trying to get them out of the fucking road. I've seen an alien try to be a memelord. I've seen an alien get wildly drunk, lose control of his powers, teleport onto the roof, and fall off. I've seen an alien lose his shit over Lady Gaga."