i. HOME chris schistad [EDITING]

unknown + the beginning

... of the end.

| COMMENCE SEASON 2 |

Excerpt from one of Elli's school tasks. The instructions were to to write a poetic and spontaneous piece about an emotion.

At the time I didn't know what I was feeling. I was oblivious, too young to comprehend.

There are many physical aspects to fear; one being the inevitable amount of body sweat that your body will produce. Ironically, the shadow that caused said emotion really, really hated sweat.
This was portrayed through the shadows growth in size.
I watched the shadow.
I watched it as it loomed above me and around me, until it engulfed me with hungry greed.

I once read a book about a girl so fearful her shadow became her. The shadow in which scared her most filled every inch of her until she dragged away under the diagnosis of 'Schizophrenia'.
It's oddly funny and mildly satisfying to think of fear and the act of scaring to click into one piece within a single person. Usually, within a neuro-typical being, fear is a result of something outside of itself, not within.

What do you do when someone is fearful of another?
You find out if the other being is reasonably making others fearful. If they're not, you assure the fearful person everything is okay. If they are, you eliminate them, emotionally or physically, from ones life.
It makes sense then, that I eliminated my shadow. Doesn't it?

Some seem to think it's easy --to eliminate a shadow-- which is infuriating.
It's not easy. It's not even possible, entirely.

I ran into my shadow a while back.

It felt the same as it always had. It shouldn't had felt the same as it always had. I should have outgrew the feeling. But I didn't.

on the phone

'Hello, is this Ms Schistad?'
'Ja, who is this?'
'I'm Ellinor Rasmussen's Norwegian teacher. Am I correct in saying she is currently living with you?'
'You are. May I ask what this is about, please?'
'I would like to talk about a writing piece she handed up to me today.'
'Okay... Is there something wrong with it?'
'Perhaps.'
'What is that supposed to mean?'
'Ms Schistad, why is Ellinor living with you?'
'That's not your business.'
'As a student wellbeing supporter, I believe it is.'
'What does this have to do with a Norwegian task?'
'Maybe nothing, possibly everything.'
'That's a little over dramatic.'

published: 13.feb.2017