Black and Blue||Deviless

♥12♥

Ricky
I was sitting in my car in the parking lot to Mike's daycare. I'd been following him all day. First, he'd been at a photoshoot for some magazine. God, those poses he was doing....he's so fucking hot. I see why I married him.

I was watching him through the front doors of the daycare. He was playing with Cameron and another little boy in the front lobby. Cameron doesn't really like that daycare so he stays upfront with Kuza. God, my husband's so good with kids. I see why I had a son with him.

I've been so depressed lately with the lost of my baby. I was angry. I was irrational when I kicked Kuza out. It wasn't his fault. It was never his fault. I see now what I've done. Every time he looks up from playing with the boys, he looks so upset. So withdrawn from everything. It's so heartbreaking.

Kuza's gotten pale, so pale. He's skinnier than he was when we were living together. Chris says he hasn't been eating. When he does it's like maybe a cracker or two. I didn't know he was hurting like this. I didn't know I made him starve himself. I didn't know kicking him out would devastate him like this.

I sighed and got out of the car. I needed to talk to him. I missed him. I really missed him. I do love him. I'm IN love with him. I worship the ground he walks on. I was just really mad. I don't hate him. I could never hate him.

I walked to the front doors and saw him up close. He looked so tired. His face was so splotchy from crying. Chris said he cries a lot.

Kuza looked up and saw me. He had a smile on his face, but he quickly dropped it. He sent Cameron and the other boy away and stood up as I walked in.

"Hey, ba-... Ricky. How're you?" He asked softly. He looked so sad. His green eyes that were once filled with life were dull. They were filled with sadness.

"I came to talk to you, Mike. I..I miss you." I said looking at him with a soft smile.

"You do?" He inquired his eyes going bright slightly.

"Yeah. Yeah, Mikey, I do. Can we go talk somewhere?"

He nodded and led me to a back room. "Did Chris send you?" He asked closing the door.

"No," I said. "I came on my own. I came to apologize about the way I've treated you for the past few weeks." I said all of this truthfully. All of it.

"Ricky, that really hurt. I never would've hurt you. Ever. I'd rather die than do that. Trust me. Baby, it hurt SO fucking bad when you took off your ring and threw it down the stairs. You took it off and threw it. Ricky, it hurt and it hurt bad." Kuza started to cry.

I rubbed his arm. "Kuza, I was just so upset. I know that's not an excuse but I just could have a grasp on anything." I felt bad. Kuza, my husband, my baby, my love, was in pain. It's like he can't function. Oh my God what have I done?

Kuza started to break down in front of me. "Baby, I've missed you so much. I can't live without you. I haven't eaten, I can't eat. I need you!" He looked at me with glossy eyes. "Ricky, I've called you every day and you never answer. You always decline the calls. I need you! I can't raise Cameron on my own! He needs his mother! He needs his family! That family is you and me. Living with Chris isn't how I want to live, babe. Living with you is how I want to live! You are my life, baby. It shattered when you kicked me out."

Kuza shrunk down onto the floor and cried harder. I sat down and hugged him close. "Baby, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry." I kissed his cheek. "Please forgive me, honey. I want you back." I said softly.

"I forgive you, Ricky. I do. I want you back so bad." Kuza cried.

I smiled softly and kissed him. Happily, he kissed me back.

God, I love this man.

---

I pressed my lips to Kuza's gently, petting his hair. My poor baby, all upset and hurt because of me. Cameron laid between us in the bed, snuggled up in his father's hoodie. I felt terrible about leaving him behind, too. I was angry, I was hurt. I had no grasp on reality, my sanity slipped.

I lightly pet his hair, nuzzling Kuza's neck. "Cameron, honey..? Are you angry with Mommy?" I asked softly, earning a sigh from Mike.

"Baby Doll, he's not-"

"No, Mama. I just missed you a lot. Daddy was really upset, 'n' He cried a whole lot. He told me that it wasn' your fault." Cameron replied, crawling closer to snuggle up to my chest. "He said that my baby brother went away. Where is he, Mommy?"

I felt tears in my eyes as Cameron, touched my stomach. I blinked them away, letting out a shaky breath. "He... He was an angel that needed to go back home, Sweetie."

Cameron tilted his head. "Wh-What? Mommy, angels come from heaven.."

"That's what Mommy's saying, Cameron." Mike replied, sighing as Cameron began to cry. "Baby brother passed away, but he's happy now."

"N-No! Daddy, no! Why?" He sobbed, cuddling my stomach. "Mommy, my baby brother! C-Can I have a new one?!"

I started to cry as well, covering my face. Kuza moved closer, wrapping his arms around the two of us in a group hug. "Shh, Baby Doll, shh... Cameron, you'll get another baby. I promise you and Mommy that."

Cameron and I both nodded, and I pressed my lips to Mike's. "O-Okay... Cameron, we're sorry about your brother, o-ok-kay?"

"Yes, Mama.."