Cross my heart, hope to die //Tanner Braungardt//

Chapter 20

POV Kenzie

Okay. Today is the day that I will tell Tanner I cut. I can do this. He will except me. Everything is going to be okay. But what if he doesn't. No. He will. He has too. I don't know what I would do without him.

I get up off my bed and go over to my closet and slip on my shoes. Then I grab my phone and car keys before heading out if my room and the house. I text my mom that I'll be home later then start the car and pull out. Soon I'm at Tanners house and walking up to his door.

I ring the door bell and wait nervously. Taylor answers the door and smiles. She opens it wide so I can walk in. "Hey Kenzie. Tanners down stairs", she says. "Thanks", I say smiling before turning around and going down stairs and to Tanners room.

I open the door and he's sitting on his bed editing. He looks up and smiles. "Hey Kenzie. What are you doing here?", he asks smiling. I don't answer, instead I walk over to his bed and sit Indian style beside him.

"Tanner, I need to tell you something",I say turning to him. "Okay, go ahead", he says. "This is something I've been meaning to tell you sense we started dating", I say biting my lip. He nods "It's something that only a handful of people know about and I've been struggling with it for years", I say furrowing my eyebrows.

"Kenzie, your scaring me", Tanner says taking me hand. I look down at the bed before saying,"This is really hard for me to tell you. But I have depression"I look up at Tanner to see confusion spread across his face. "Your joking", he says and I shake my head. "Kenzie. Why didn't you tell me?", he whispers. He looks hurt and scared.

I shake my head again "that's not all", I say gulping. "I-I", I stammer. "Go on", he says rubbing my hand. I take a shaky breathe. "I cut", I say. Tanner lets go of my hand and backs a way a few inches. My heart squeezes. I look up at him and he looks horrified. "What", he says. I nod. "Why couldn't you tell me! Are you stupid! Aug! That's disgusting!", he yells looking furious. I flinch. He backs away even more and runs his hands through his hair.

My mouths open and tears are streaming down my face. This is what I feared. This is why i never told him. I didn't want to loose him.

"You know what? Josh can have you! Get out!, Tanner yells pointing at the door. My mouth closes and I get off his bed. I'm not just sad anymore, I'm a little angry. I don't say anything, I just grab my things and walk out of his room.

I get upstairs and my tears are uncontrollable. Once I get out to my car, I start it and head home. More tears come down my face. It's like someone just stabbed me in the heart. I can't deal with this! Auuug! No... this can't be happening. Maybe I know dreaming. No. I can't be.

Soon I'm home and I run inside and up to my room. I shut my door and climb into my bed. I let out a sob and curl into a ball. Tears come more and my sobs get louder. So loud that my mom comes into my room. When she sees me, she comes rushing over to my side. "What happened", she asks brushing hair away from my face. "I want to go home", I sob. She pulls me up and says ,"you are home". "No, I want to go back to Olympia. I want to go back", I say sitting up, crossing my legs.

"Honey what happened?", she asks. "I told Tanner about", I stop and hiccup before continuing, "my cutting. He didn't take it well." Her hand fly's to her mouth and she rubs my back. "No, I'm so sorry Kenz. I'll get you a plane ticket. Call Grace.", she says before kissing my head and leaving my room.

I grab my laptop and FaceTime her. "Hey Kenz- what's wrong?", she asks cutting herself off when she sees me crying. "I'll tell you later. I'm coming back to Olympia for a few days. Can I stay with you?" I ask trying to wipe my tears away.
"Of course. When are you leaving?", she asks. "I don't know. But I'll let you know when my mom tells me", I say. "Okay. I'll see you then. I love you and stay strong", she says. "I love you too", I reply before hanging up.

After a few minutes, my mom walks in. "Your flight is tomorrow at eight. I'll wake you up tomorrow. Pack up and get some sleep", she says sitting next to me. I nod.

Well, here I come Olympia.

***

Once my mom leaves I lay I bed for a while.
I get up out of bed and go over to my closet and grab my suit case. Soon, it's full of cloths and all the other junk I need. I place it by my door and go to the bathroom. I'm meet by a reflection I barely recognize. My eyes are puffy, my face is red, there dark circles under my eyes, my mascara is running down my cheeks. In other words, I look terrible.

My eyes turn away form the mirror and I shut the door and lock it. I find my razor and sit on the toilet seat. Then I roll up my sleeve and go to work. After a couple dozen cuts or so, I place my razor on the counter and grab a handful of toilet paper. I wipe yo the blood and wrap my arm in a bandage. Next, I pull down my pants and cut more on my thigh.

After a few minutes, I put my blade back and clean up myself. I hate myself. I should have never told him. This is all my fault. I wipe a tear away and wrap the bloody toilet paper in new ones so it isn't noticeable. Then I throw it away and pull up my pants. I head out of the bathroom and go to my desk to grab my makeup wipes. Next, I wipe off my remaining makeup then go back to bed.

But I don't fall asleep. Not for a long time. And when i do, I dream about Tanner. Not about us breaking up, about us being happy together. Getting married, having kids, growing old together. So in other words, it's the worst type of dream. And when I woke up, I cried for a long time.

(A/N) hey Guys! Omg please don't hate me. There's more stuff to come and I've thought about this book a lot and I've got so many ideas. I can't wait to share them with you! I actually got sick this weekend and it sucks. I'm pretty tired to I'm doing to watch Teem Wolf then go to bed. Okay don't forget to vote, comment and add this book. Thank you so much for reading Thai book it means so much to me. Okay bye for now my loves!!💜