MONSTA X #1: Deleted Mémoire

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"Hi." It's just one word and two letters, but it's already enough for my heart to beat like crazy.

Why is he here? Why did he come here? How did he know where I live? A lot of questions are running inside my head, but I can't asked him for my voice are nowhere to be found.

"Noona. KiHyun hyung is here." HyunKi said, nudging me, smiling teasingly.

I look at KiHyun and acted like I don't know him. In my 24 years of existence, I already know how to act as if innocent of all the things happening. I already know how to pretend as if I don't know the people around me. That's where I'm good at, pretending. Pretending as if it's all are in place when it's actually not.

"KiHyun?" I asked and acted as if remembering him. I shook my head and look at him with my brows furrowed. "I don't know you."

I saw pain crossed his eyes but I didn't take back what I've said. I started it and I should continue it. When he didn't greeted me at that party I was hurt too, but did he care? No. Because I was his toy right? All of the time that we spent together were all lies. I knew it.

I should've know it back then.

"Noona? He was you—."

"Go to your room now HyunKi, or else I'll tell mom you're sleep late." I saw him rolled his eyes and walked towards his room half-stomping.

I look back at KiHyun, he was staring at me and even though I love how he stare at me intently, I broke it, turning back to close the door.

"I don't know why HyunKi let you in when you're a complete stranger, but you should be going home right now coz it's already late." I said walking pass him. He should go home right now because it's already late and he need sleep. I know he has a hectic schedule and I can't understand why he's here when there's no us anymore. Despite of being bitter, I know inside me that I still care about him when I shouldn't.

I told him to follow me, ascending on the stairs.

I wasn't looking back but I can hear his footsteps so I know he is following me.

"You'll sending me out now?" He asked, looking at the door I open so he can get out.

"I know you're a celebrity but you're still stranger for me. So please, get out now before my dad see you." Lies. My dad knows him personally and I guess they still meet these days because dad keeps on mentioning his name during dinner, of course dad would be happy to see him with me again.

My family knows why we broke up and they were cool about it since we were young back then, but now they keep on telling me to marry someone already. And that someone is him.

"I know you still remember me." He said, extending his arms to hold my hands. I blink twice, he still knows me. After all, there was still us.

"Yoo Ki Hyun." I chanted, removing my hands from his grasp. "I already deleted you from my memory, I already deleted all those memories we made from each other. You're just a stranger to me now." I said, stepping back.

He chuckled bitterly, as if what I've said are absurd, it really is.

"That's it? You deleted me in your memory just like a simple data in a computer? Wow, daebak." He said, clapping his hand. "Unbelievable HyoKi." He added, shaking his head.

I was hurt when he said those, but I'm sure that in the two of us, he's the one who's hurting the most. What I've said, it's painful right?

Am I doing a revenge, because he didn't greeted me in the party months ago? Do I sound like an evil? Gosh HyoKi, you're so childish!

I hate myself. For hurting him like that, but I need to protect myself too. I don't want to get hurt again but just by doing this, I'm hurting. But it's better this way right?

At least I'm not risking it again, I'm not digging my own grave again. I am not hurting like how I was hurt before. At least now, I know what to do to not get hurt that much.

I have to accept that it's really not meant to be. I need to accept that there will never be an us.

The relationship we had before are already dead, gone and forgotten—no. It's not yet forgotten, but we need to forget the past in order to be happy in the present.

I gulp down and look at his eyes, he return the gaze and it melt me, but I didn't stop myself from saying things that should have been said the moment we laid our eyes on each other, today.

"Stop coming here, stop having a small talk each member of my family. Forget me like how I forget you." A sad smile form on his lips and I can see tears brimming in the side of his eyes, it hurts me to see him like this, but did he consider my feelings the last time we talk?

The time when he choose the career he wanted over me?

Is it too bad to save myself from falling again? Is it bad to save myself first before the others? Before him?

"I'm sorry KiHyun." I said before closing the door. I ran to my room and watch him on the window, slowly walking away with his head bowed down.

It pained me to see him like that, but I already made up my decision. I'll be selfish first. Just for tonight. Just for this.

I'm sorry, Love.