MONSTA X #1: Deleted Mémoire

3. Suicide

ERRORS AHEAD

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I walked towards my boss' office, I knocked twice and I heard him said, "Come in." before I open the door and get in.

I saw my boss sitting on his swivel chair while reading on the paper. I walked towards his direction and gave him the folders I'm carrying. His frowning face turns into smiling face when he saw me. I return his smile because I thought it'll be rude for him if I don't smile.

"Is it done already?" He asked picking the folders up and open every pages, I nodded even though I know he can't see me.

"Yes, sir." I said. He nodded and told me to go now. I bowed before walking out of his office.

It's been awhile since the talk between me and KiHyun happened. He never bothered me again, and I was kinda relief. I know that if he'll come again to our house, begging me to come back to him, I know I'll be dead. I know I'll come back to him.

I want to be with him, God knows how I want to be with him, but what I'm doing right now is for the two of us. It's the right thing for me to do, I don't want to ruin his career. Even though it was the reason why both of us has ended, I still don't want to ruin his career.

It's important for him, important enough to dump me like some trash.

I don't wanna be bitter, I don't want to look in life in a negative way but I just can't help it, what he did to me makes me insecure, it made me think negatively and made me always overthink, and I hate it. 

I dialed my friend's number and it only rings two times before he picks up. "Zup?" He asked. A sigh escape my lips. It does mean I need something from him. It's already night and I know he's exhausted as fuck because of his work but I really need him. 

It's already late at night, and I need to get home. 

"Why?" He asked. 

"Can you fetch me?" I asked, he became quiet but a few seconds passed, he responded saying okay. I hanged up the phone before I stood up from my seat. I pick up my bag and wear it before walking towards the elevator. 

It's around midnight already, I just work this night all  the papers that I need to be done for tomorrow, so I can be free for a day. I already gave all the papers to my boss before I decided to leave.

I'm so exhausted that I just want to have a free day, good thing my boss told me to take a leave tomorrow. He's such a good person.

I was walking out of the lift and when I was in the lounge, I saw him sitting on the couch, wearing a cap and holding a flowers. His head were bowed down but I know it was him.

Why is he here? Is courting someone that is working here?

Wow, I thought he was busy with his work because it's been days since he didn't talk nor visit the house again, turns out he's busy with another girl.

It just proves me that I am just really one of his toy.

I suppress myself not to walk to him and talk to him, instead, I walked towards the exit of the building and waited for TaeIl to come.

I know he's busy too because he just debuted, but I need him right now, I don't have a car yet though I'm already planning to buy one, we're now stable and I know mom and dad will support me if I'll buy something for myself.

Me and TaeIl became friends two years ago, same night when KiHyun dumped me.

I walk my way to the bus stop while the rain is heavily pouring. I don't want to go home yet but I need to. I'm sure mom is already worried of me.