Playboy | YoonSeok

Fifty Three

POV: Yoongi
"You know... your mother sacrificed her own life so you could live in this world safely. Did you know that, Byungho?"

Of course he didn't know.

He looked at me innocently, his big eyes staring at me with awe. He didn't have a clue about what I just said and so he just giggled.

"Silly little kid," I pinched his cheeks. "You don't know anything, do you? Not yet."

I didn't know what I was supposed to do with my life anymore. School had ended, and Hoseok was determined to give himself a bright future, but I was here on my own, wondering whether I'd even survive adulthood or not.

"I-I don't know what to do, Byungho! Everything... it's all gone horribly wrong and there's no way I can fix any of it anymore! What am I supposed to do?!"

I found myself practically yelling at poor, little Byungho, who knew nothing about the outside world.

"I can't fucking do any of this shit anymore! How do you deal with life, Byungho? How on earth can you fucking do it?! I... I don't want to be here anymore! I can't!"

Hoseok was busy studying for entrance exams to get into the top universities out there, yet here I was crying over stupid responsibilities. I brought my own fate on to myself, I couldn't blame anybody else for any of it.

That's just not right.

"I've been so fucking stupid! Byungho, tell me how the hell you've managed to deal with everything! You better not fucking screw up your life like I did with mine... trust me, the last thing you want to do is end up like me. I'm absolutely pathetic. Eighteen and already a dad. The mother is dead as can be, my own parents have gone out of my life long ago and I have no idea what to do from now. I'm unemployed, uneducated, and basically completely useless."

Tears started streaming down my face and I knew I couldn't help it so I didn't fight it. There was no point in fighting back to something that had already won.

"I've screwed up. So fucking badly. You don't know the half of it, Byungho, you really don't, you lucky thing. It should have been me who died, not Minji. I don't deserve to be here. I don't deserve to be alive."