I Deduce Romance | Benedict Cumberbatch

31 - Dressed in black

About five months later...

I was sitting between my mom and my brother, Michael, who had his girlfriend beside him. Behind us were my aunt and uncle, my grandmother, work colleagues of my father and some of our family's closest friends. Dressed in black, we all sat silently in the room - only one person speaking. I was staring down at my hands that were folded in my lap. This was the moment I had dreaded to meet. And so had my family. Except for my dad. He told me, that when this moment would come, he would be ready, and he wanted us to respect it. But how? How does one find peace and accept that your time is almost out?

As the priest continued talking, my mom placed her hand over mine and my brother placed his arm around my shoulders. I think they also had accepted this moment, and that deep down so had I. I just had to find it. The ceremony lasted for another fifteen minutes before it was time to go outside to bury him. My father.

He passed away two and a half week ago. It calmed me to hear that mother was there beside him that day. Of course, I would've been there too, but one can never know when such a day comes. And living in another country certainly made things difficult. Things were going really well back in London. I had gotten a good start on my drawings, and have had great days with my friends.

And as for the good things back there, something was missing in this moment. Or more specific - someone. Of course, Benedict had confirmed to shoot scenes for his new role weeks before the actual dates, and it's hard to change them as it has to fit for the whole movie team. He felt really bad last time I talked to him that he wasn't here. I told him I'd be fine, that I have my family around me. But truth is, I strongly wished he was here too.

"Clary?"

I was standing right outside the church front doors and watched the others follow the priest to the yard. The day was gray and the little wind there was, made my hair on my arms rise. I was so caught up in my own thoughts, I hadn't noticed Michael coming up to me. He put his hand on my back and wiped away a tear on my cheek - which I hadn't noticed either.

"I understand if you're not ready, but you'll regret it if you don't."

To show him I understood, I nodded. "I'm ready, I just...needed a moment."

"I know you wanted him to be here today, but he'll be there when you get back to England." He stroke my back. When we were kids, we liked to tease each other, and of course, we have had our fights, but in the end, he was always the big brother who looked out for his little sister.

"Yeah, I know."

He gave me a quick supporting smile and together we walked over to the others.

"We are here today to show our love and support for Mr. Fairchild's very precious family. Not only have we sensed our own personal feelings of loss over Mr. Fairchild's passing, but our hearts have been drawn toward them, and will continue to be with them. We, therefore commit his body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in the sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to eternal life." The priest talked as the coffin bad been lowered down to the ground.

I hugged my mom as we, one by one, took a handful of soil to threw at the coffin. I dried away some tears when it was my turn. I bowed down, picked up a handful and slowly made my way to the hole in the ground. I stopped by the edge and looked down. Stretching out my arm, I gently opened my hand and watched the soil fall.

From behind me, I heard several people gasp, and the priest in front of me seemed confused. At first, I thought it was something I had done, but when I saw no one was looking at me, I understood it wasn't. Then, my mom came up to me and took my hands - a hint of a smile showed. "There's someone here to see you," she told me and led me back to the group who now stood divided into two instead of one.