How To Be The Best Third Wheel

Original Edition - Tip 19: Be a Relationship Counsellor

I wake up to the rays of sunlight peering through my blinds. Ah, Saturday. Finally you have arrived. Although only the first week of school has passed, I feel exhausted. I honestly feel like I've been doing hard labour for the whole week. I get up from my bed when I realize something. Where are the twins...and why did I have the pleasure of sleeping until 8:30 this morning without the annoying sound of an airhorn or a megaphone?

I get up from my bed, yawning and rubbing my eyes. I wipe the drool off my cheek and hastily put my glasses on. I go towards my dresser and look up.

"Ahhhh!" I scream. Wait, nevermind, that was just my reflection. I'm sure you can picture how scary I look in the mornings with my hair the size of Africa and my eye bags as dark as my soul. Just kidding! My soul's still okay.

I lazily make my way to the bathroom, brush my teeth and do all that boring stuff before heading downstairs. I walk into the kitchen to see my Lola talking to someone. My Lola and another elderly woman turn to face me. James' grandma?

"Lola Edna?" I say, surprised. Lola Nora and Lola Edna are super great friends considering they've known each other since my mom and Tita Gia became friends.

"Lara! Hi! Bumibisita lang ako kay Nora." she tells me. (Lara! Hi! I'm just visiting Nora.)

"Ara, kumain ka muna ng almusal!" Lola Nora gestures for me to join them. (Ara, eat breakfast first!)

"May dala akong pandesal." Lola Edna says, while holding out a plate filled with fresh pandesal, which is a filipino bread. (I brought pandesal.)

I grab one and start eating. "Lola Nora, nasaan ho sina Brook, Bree, at Illa?" I ask, talking with my mouth full. (Lola Nora, where are Brook, Bree and Illa?)

"Ah, sina Brook at Bree...uh...oh pumunta sila sa gym." (Brook and Bree...uh...oh they went to the gym.)

"Ah, okay. Si Illa? Saan sya pumunta?" (Ah, okay. And Illa? Where did she go?)

"Parang may sinabi sya na may lakad daw? Hindi ko na maalala. May sinabi sya na Kevin Lang ba yon?" she tells me, taking another sip of her tea. (I think she told me that she has somewhere to go to? I can't remember. She said something like, was it Kevin Lang?)

"Oh. Kaden Lee po. Boyfriend ni Illa." (Oh. Kaden Lee. Illa's boyfriend.)

My grandmother spits out her herbal tea. Not that I blame her though. She stares at me wide-eyed before stuttering, "B-b-boy-boyfriend?"

I let out a laugh which sounds like a crossover between a donkey and a dying cat. I throw my hands up, ready to defend myself for my lie. "Just kidding po! Friend lang, friends lang sila!" (Just kidding! Just friends, they're just friends!)

"Ikaw na bata ka! Ay nako! Gusto mo ba ma heart attack ako?" she yells jokingly while holding a hand to her heart. James' grandma places her coffee on the table and laughs along with us. (You child! Oh my gosh! Do you want me to get a heart attack?)

"Ang bata bata pa ni Illa para magkaroon nang boyfriend. Ikaw naman," she points at me, "mag hunting ka na! Parang hindi ka na magkakaroon ng asawa sa lagay nito!" (Illa's too young to have a boyfriend. You on the other hand, start hunting! It's like you're never going to get a husband at this pace!)

I chuckle. "Asawa? Agad, agad? Lola, 16 lang ho ako. Aral muna, tapos trabaho. Atsaka, magiging mayaman po muna ako bago mag asawa." (Husband? So quickly? Lola, I'm only 16. Study first, then work. Also, I'm going to become rich first before I get married.)

She nods, "Ay! Ang talino ng apo ko. Pero ang boring naman ng plano mo. Hindi pwedeng iplano ang lahat! Mag enjoy ka naman! Kung pwede lang, switch na tayo! Kase para kang matanda na nasa luob ng katawan ng bata. At ako naman, super "lit"!" (Ay! My grandchild is so smart. But your plan is so boring. You can't plan everything! Just enjoy! If it were only possible, let's switch! Because you're like an old person in the body of a child. And I on the other hand, super "lit"!)