Our Salvation || Bellamy Blake

{ 8 } New

I'm broken. Even if Atom had wanted that, even if it helped him to a better place. I had killed someone, taken away their chance at smelling the grass, swimming in the lakes, breathing in the air. It shakes me, taunts me that I'm not who I thought I was.

Shouts of the camp can be heard, Bellamy and I walking in shoulder to shoulder, faces solemn. Behind us, three people carry in a body bag, filled by Atom.

Someone passes by, looking to Bellamy for orders. "Get Clarke whatever she needs." And my lips part in surprise. That means, Jasper wouldn't be killed. It's a sigh of relief, because I don't think I could take another death. Maybe that's what changed his mind.

    "Someone better get his grave dug up," Wells whispers, in a low voice directed at the two of us.

    "I prefer sooner rather than later." I nod curtly my tone implying an order, followed by a forced smile. You have to put on a good show, if people think that your weak, they'll eat you alive.

Octavia rushes out of the dropship. She stops in front of Clarke, and my face falls, the facade hard. She can't be okay with this, and she most certainly won't take it well.

    "Finally you're back, they were gonna kill Jasper," Octavia rants, and my eyes narrow. Murphy, the one person stupid enough to pull anything. "Did you get the medicine?" She asks, to busy to realize the emotion filling the camp.

    "I-I-I got it. Come on, let's go talk." Clarke says, taking her shoulder. She didn't need to see this. Octavia sees the bag, holding up a finger. I swallow hard, wringing my hands.

    "Octavia," Bellamy starts, trying to explain. "Just stay there- Just please. Stay back." He tries holding her back, keeping her from seeing. She shoves back against him, the curiosity overcoming her.

    "Bell, stop." Octavia whines, breaking through his barricade.

    "O- You don't want to look." I turn, sharing a worried glance with her older sibling. My breath hitches in my throat as Octavia bends down, silent as she begins to pull back the tarp.

It reveals Atoms bloody and blistered face, blood rushing from his neck. I grit my teeth, tears threatening to spill over. I stare at my shaky hands, still covered in the crimson blood that belong to Atom. Everything turn to white noise, no longer becoming important. I'm overrun by crushing guilt. I killed her boyfriend- something happy given to her by the ground. I caused her pain.

Tears fall down Octavia's face, as she quietly takes it in.

    "There's nothing I could-" Bellamy sputters, knowing how his sister would react.

She holds up a hand, her voice strong, but weak all at the same time. "Don't."

Octavia gets up, about to storm off. Bellamy tries to stop and comfort her, but she pushes him away. I'm about to let her go, but I get a better sense of judgement.

I grab her wrist, pulling her into a hug. I don't say anything, knowing no words could make it better. I just let her cry onto my shoulder, take a breather. A tear creeps down my own face, but I wipe it away angrily.

It's like a switch was flipped, turning my emotions off. The cold and hard exterior returns, I couldn't afford to be weak. I had been weak, desperate to save Jasper , to save anyone I could, and that clouded my judgement, making me weak. I had to start over if I wanted to survive. Become new.

She leaves, and it's back to business.

    "Loose anyone here?" Bellamy questions, his voice hoarse as he turns to Murphy. I cross my arms, looking to him adamantly.