Healing (jax & bianca; backstage) ✔️

fourteen

j.g

   Jax stands motion less in his room after Bianca left. He still can't process what happened and why he kissed her. He just feels that it is last time he will ever talk to Bianca.

Wait. The last time? That's the last time he'll kiss Bianxa Blackwell? The last time he'll stare deeply into her blue eyes or hold her arms as he leans in closer to her face?

Jax starts panicking. Oh no, oh, no. I shouldn't have kissed her. I made a big mistake. Jax paces around his bedroom, holding his head in his hands. He shakes it over and over, remembering Bianca running out on him after they kissed. Why did I have to do that? We weren't even talking for a month and then I randomly go and kiss her? How awkward. Jax shudders at how cringy his actions were.

Jax is starting to get frustrated. His body fires up and he is angry at himself. He begins punching his mattress, but that isn't enough. He takes a big breath and punches the wall, it hurts his knuckles like fire, but it helps get all of his emotions out. Pound. Pound. The banging is loud, and his door flies open.

"Jaxon?!" Mrs. Gardner cries. "What are you doing? What's going on?"

Jax kept punching, puncturing a small hole in the wall. Tears drip down his cheeks. "Jax!" his mom yells trying to grab a hold of her son. "Jaxon calm down okay. It's going to be okay."

"No it won't!" Jax cries. Another punch to the wall.

"Jaxon, please stop." his mom pulls him away from the wall. She drags him carefully to the bed. Jax breaks down in tears.

"It's over!" he sobs with his face in his hands. "I know it's over! My friendship with Bianca, my life!"

"Why are  you saying that Jax?" Mrs. Gardner asks, holding her son.

"She hates me and I hate her."

"Jax, you can't possibly mean that do you?"

"I don't know...I just feel like Bianca is trying to apologize for what she did in freshman year only because we lost our best friends."

"You mean she never apologized then?" Mrs. Gardner asks.

"I mean..she tried to but..."

"You wouldn't listen huh?"

Jax hangs his head down, deeply ashamed of himself. His mom dropped the truth down on him hard.

"It's too late, it was years ago. I've forgotten about it and moved on."

"Doesn't sound like you have."

Jax bites his lip, looking at his mom. "I have mom believe me."

Mrs. Gardner tries to smile. "Jax, I remember the day you came home from your very first day at Keaton and you beamed at the fact that 'the girl from that robot show is in my class.'"

"So? What's your point?"

"I've never seen you smile like that Jackson."

"What are you trying to say?"Jax squints.

Mrs. Gardner pauses for a moment. "You need to be her friend Jax. She needs you right now."

Jax shakes his head. "No she doesn't need me."

"How do you know?"

Jax gulps a lump in his throat and he fidgets with the ends of his shirt. "Mom I... I kissed her. Just now and she ran away," Jax confesses, feeling a single tear slowly gliding down one cheek.

"What made you think to kiss her?" Mrs. Gardner wonders.

Jax raises his shoulders. He spoke with a stuffed up nose. "I don't know...I just wanted to see what it was like in case it'd be the last time."

"The last time? Jax, it sounds to me like you'd miss her."

Jax gets up from his bed, shaking head again. "That's just crazy. Okay. I don't miss her. I won't miss her. I don't need her as a friend or anything. Ever."

Jax walks over to his desk, and somehow he finds a photo of him and Bianca poking out behind the desk. Mrs. Gardner makes her way out of her sons room, and once she leaves, Jax looks behind to make she sure is gone. He bends down to pick the photo out behind the desk. Jax props the photo against the wall and the desk top. He steps back, crossing his arms. He sees himself in the photo, his cheek pressed against Bianca's and they both had exaggerated cheesy smiles.

Jax eyes fill up. I can't believe I lost two best friends now.