Oh, Calamity (Alex Gaskarth/ ATL fan-fic)

Keep the Change, You Filthy Animal

Trigger warning!

Marina's POV:

I stayed completely still until the bus was out of my vision spread. Never before in my entire life had I hated myself so fully. I was in a state of shock, continually asking myself why I was still alive if all I had was vanished. Then it occurred to me that Alex was right- I shouldn't be alive anymore.

I walked in slow steps, realizing they would be my last. My face stayed blank, but thoughts ran wild. I opened the door and got inside the house, heading directly into the kitchen. I grabbed a sharp cheese knife.

In more lonely and emotionless steps, I wandered into the bathroom. I turned the water in the tub on. I looked at myself, and that's when I finally let tears out. What I saw was not this beautiful girl Alex had led me on to think. I saw a monster. A horrible, disgusting being that wasn't worthy of anyone's time. My skin was pale, eyes faded, lips dry. 

I unbuttoned my pants, letting them fall to the floor. My legs. My disgusting legs. I hated them. I saw all these scars and lived every day in their presence, despising their very existence. I took the handle of the knife, gripping it tightly. I sat on the toilet. I ran the blade lightly across my skin, then dug in deeper. Blood ran out, rushing relief throughout my body. Yet, tears flowed even harder, and I did it again. 

Slice after slice, all I wanted was more. These legs were so disgusting that I prayed I might never see them again. But I couldn't stop. The feeling was so iressistible. The more blood I saw, the more the creeping smile on my face widened. Red. What a desirable color.

I switched off the water, then sat in the tub, still clothed. The water turned orange, tinted with the blood from the cuts in my legs. I mangled them even more, shoving them back in the water, letting it sting. I deserved the pain.

I thought for a moment. I still wanted more than anything in the entire world to die. To fulfill Alex's request, I decided that I would do it. No regrets. Just the way I want it to be.

I took one last breath and cut deeply into my wrist. Then I switched hands, getting my knife covered in blood, and slit the other. I shoved them under water, watching the tub turn scarlett.

Time passed. My thoughts were revolved around color. The color, and how it turned deeper and deeper. How I longed for it to become so deep that I knew all the blood would be there, instead of within my body. Just leave, blood. I don't want you any more. Disappear, air, I don't want to breathe you any more. I wished my lungs would fill with the poison in every lie I ever told, and that maybe that might choke me. 

My eyes dropped. My mind became the most intoxicated it had ever been, yet, there was no taste of alcohol in my mouth. No smell of it lingering in my nose. Only the salty scent of blood.

This was it. The end. Tears of joy came out my eyes and veiled my face. I used the rest of the energy I had to scream in joy and pleasure, although it sounded more like a whisper. This endless suffering was nearly over.

The door of the house opened. My eyes widened, but dropped once again. I realized I couldn't be saved now. Whoever it was was just the unfortunate soul that I had to find me like this. But still, I was determined to die.

"Marina? You're home already?" It called. I didn't answer. I had a hard time decifering who it was. "Well that's odd. Her car is here."

I heard more footsteps going into the kitchen. Even closer. This poor unfortunate soul. I let out a small cry.

They must've heard. They came running to the door, which was wide open. It was Emily. She covered her mouth with her hands, letting out the most deadly scream I'd ever heard. She came rushing in, flipping the switch to the tub.