Oh, Calamity (Alex Gaskarth/ ATL fan-fic)

So Long Soldier

FWI, this chapter may be very short. It is completely nessescary.

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Alex's POV:

One week. It felt like a year. Any second without her on my mind feels like an eternity. Yes, I'd kept my promise. Things were done between us.

I took everything she'd given me and put it in a box. A mix of shirts, scarves, hats, little presents, my bullet shell bracelet, and my security blanket. I felt like such a child calling it that, but it was. That was what I curled up in when I felt uncomfortable. But it was useless now. No more crawling back inside of it when I felt unsafe. I was completely exposed now.

Maybe I'd been to harsh. Maybe things were going to get fixed on their own. But I couldn't handle seeing Jack like that. Jack was the first person who ever inspired me to be myself, before finding a girl like Marina was even a thought that graced my mind. He meant more to me than she, or anyone else, ever could. I wasn't going to let it go on.

So I ended it all. I guess The Wolf Of Wall Street was right; you can make anything with your words, and you can break anything with your words. Both had happened that day, exactly a week ago.

I prayed this wouldn't last forever. 

I sat up in my bunk and hit my head. Of course, I knew it was coming, so it didn't hurt much. I still felt a sharp pain in my skull. There was a longing within me, a longing to feel hands stroking my back, and lips pressed to my throbbing head. That would obviously never happen again.

I started to think, would I ever get over her? Was she really the only one I could ever feel completely amazing with? I couldn't answer these questions because I hadn't been with anyone else after her (besides Jenna, who was really just a rebound hookup). And before I try anyone else, I needed to let go of her.

Physically, I dropped it all. I stored every memory of her away to an abandoned place in my mind. Yet, no matter how many times I locked the door of that hidden place, the memories always seemed to sneak out. Then made my feelings roll down my cheeks more than her tears exactly one week ago.

And everything came in like a tidal wave. My conscience sounded like an innocent child, simply asking me my descicions. Alex, you haven't slept more than an hour combined in the past week. Alex, you haven't eaten in days. Alex, your skin has lost color. Alex, your eyes are growing tired. Alex, you're pushing yourself too hard. Why are you doing this to yourself, Alex? What are you trying to prove?

STOP. I fought with myself. Stop that right now. I rolled out of the bed, running my fingers through my unwashed hair. Today, I would take a shower. Yeah, that might wake me up. It wasn't fair that I was so tired, and yet, I couldn't sleep. 

I slouched, popping a hazelnut coffee into the keurig. I stuck my mug underneath it, then pressed the button. It brewed. That boring white mug was the only mug I had that Marina didn't get me. The rest were ones with funny sayings or holiday themes. Just another thing to remind me of her.

I grabbed the coffee and drank it black. It was hot, but better that burn my throat than resorting back to my extreme alcoholism. Yeah, this burn was much nicer. I finished about half the cup, then sniffed my armpit. Okay, so maybe it was time for that shower now.

I grabbed my bag and threw some clothes in it. I wasn't sure they matched, or were clean, but could I really care? Apathy had gotten the best of me. She always said apathy was the most dangerous emotion. I shoved my towel and shampoo and soap in the bag as well. On my way out, I took one more swig of the burning coffee. Oh, yes. I felt much more awake now.