postponing forever

chapter 21

Rachel and Finn sat awkwardly through dinner that night; Finn had made reservations at one of Rachel's favorite Thai restaurants. 

“Did I tell you yet how beautiful you look tonight?” he told her as he reached across the table and took her hand. 

Rachel was wearing the red halter neck dress she had bought whilst shopping that day and a pair of black strappy heals. 

“Yes” Rachel smiled. But it was nice hearing it repeatedly from him she thought silently. 

Finn sighed, “Why is this so awkward?” he asked her. 

“Um well maybe because we’re in between friends and lovers and right now we both know things aren’t that good between us. Your watching everything you say and I’m still a little pissed with you” she replied simply. 

Finn was a little shocked at first that she had been so blunt with him but he knew he deserved it. 

“Your right” he said. 

“Look Finn I don’t want to punish you but the things between us aren’t going to just magically disappear overnight” she sighed. 

This morning she had been so happy to be back in his arms that she thought she was ready to forget everything that had happened. But after seeing Serena in the coffee shop it reminded her that she was still very hurt by what had happened and even a little bit worried that things weren’t as over with her as Finn had made out. 

“I’ll do whatever it takes to work through this with you, Rachel” he told her then. 

Rachel smiled, “there is a lot we need to work through, including what we’re going to do about all the job offers I’ve been avoiding” she said. 

“Yeah” he agreed. “Let me know when your ready to do it” 

Another small silence descended then as they enjoyed the cake and ice cream that they had ordered for dessert. 

“I wanted to ask you something?” he said then. 

Rachel placed her spoon down on the table and looked at him, his tone seemed serious so she wanted to give him her full attention. 

“Okay” she agreed. 

He reached into his pocket and pulled out what appeared to be airline tickets. 

“I booked this months ago” he told her pushing it towards her. 

Rachel opened the folder and looked at the tickets “Hawaii?” she asked shocked. 

“yeah” Finn scratched his ear nervously. The tickets were refundable and he had thought about returning them not wanting to take the trip where he planned on proposing, but then he decided to let Rachel decide. 

“I booked it a few months back for us to celebrate graduation” he explained. “I wanted it to be a surprise” 

Rachel looked up at him then “Were you going to p-propose?” she asked him her voice cracking slightly. 

“I hoped too” he whispered. 

“We don’t have to go” he rushed to tell her then when he saw that she was getting upset. “I can get a credit that we can use later or something” 

Rachel was quiet for a while her eyes just staring at the tickets.

“This must have cost you a fortune” she observed. Flights were relatively cheap if you got a good deal but accommodation in Hawaii could be very expensive. 

Finn shrugged, money wasn’t important “I worked a few extra shifts for a couple of months” he admitted. Rachel closed her eyes in pain, how many nights had she sat at home cursing him for being out having fun when he had been working to earn the money to take her away. 

“I didn’t want to cancel without asking you first” he told her.

“Thank you” she acknowledged that he was trying and that meant a lot to her. 

Finn reached to take the tickets then it was obvious that she didn’t want to go “I’ll just cancel it” he said. 

“N-No” she said quietly. 

“Sorry?” Finn asked he wasn’t sure if he had heard her right. 

“No” she looked up “I want to go with you” she told him. “but maybe we could go somewhere else that we pick together?” she suggested. She loved the idea of Hawaii but it was the place Finn had made plans to propose to her and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to have a good time thinking about that. 

Even after everything that had happened Rachel was surprised by the intensity in which she still wanted that. 

“Really?” Finn asked excitedly. 

“Yeah really” Rachel replied. 

It meant a lot to her that Finn had given her the choice, put her back in control. It might have been a small step but it was still a step after all. 

“Sweetie have you heard from Rachel this week?” Jeff Berry asked his wife. 

“No not a word” Nancy frowned. It was unusual for Rachel not to call but over the past two weeks they had only heard from her once and that conversation had been short, it seemed as though something was bothering her. 

“Hmm her exams should be finished I was wondering how she was doing” he mused. 

“Lets call her” Nancy suggested reaching for the phone. The phone rang several times before the answering machine picked up. 

“No answer” Nancy said hanging up on the answering machine. 

“Try her cell” Jeff suggested. 

“I want to talk to her about her plans now that she’s done and about us coming for graduation in a couple of weeks” 

“Good idea” Nancy agreed. This was the day her and Jeff had been looking forward to for years. Now they hoped Rachel would find a wonderful job. 

Rachel and Finn were walking hand in hand down the street towards their car when Rachel's cell started going off in her bag. 

“Who on earth would that be” she groaned annoyed. Rachel wasn’t a fan of cell phones, in fact until she moved to New York she didn’t even have one refusing to carry around a device which allowed her parents to tracked her 24/7. 

“Who is it?” Finn asked as she looked at the caller ID. 

Rachel's frown deepened “My parents” she told him before clicking the hang up button and sending it to message bank. 

“Oh” Finn said guiltily he hated that Rachel was avoiding her parents because of him. “You realise you cant avoid them forever” he told her as they reached the jeep. He assisted her into the passenger side. 

“Not forever but for a few weeks at least” she replied. Right now she was so angry with them she knew that she would say something hurtful to them that she would end up regretting. 

“Rachel, I know you haven’t forgiven me completely yet but your trying so if you can even think about forgiving me for the stupid horrible things I’ve done that have hurt you that the least you can do is hear your parents out” he suggested. He dropped his gaze to the ground and shoved his hands in his pocket. 

“Hey” Rachel reached out and caressed his face. “I’m not thinking about forgiving you I’m doing it” she said quietly. “It’s a work in progress simple as that” 

“But how?” he whispered painfully. “I’ve hurt you so much. I can see it in your eyes every time you speak to me” 

“Yeah you have” Rachel admitted “and it will take some time for me to get past that but we’re goanna get past this eventually by talking to each other and being honest about what we’re feeling” 

Finn nodded “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you” he whispered. 

“Your you” Rachel shrugged “and I love you” 

“I love you too” Finn replied. 

They stood there holding hands for a few more minutes before Finn walked around the jeep and hopped in.