Dear Savanna

July 25, 2017

Dear Savanna, 

Can't my life go one single day without so much as an ounce of stress?

I seriously need a "stay the fuck out of it" button because it's like no matter how hard I try to stay out of drama and other people's life or whatever- it never works. Rachel and my mom were right, I do try to take on stuff on my own. I did it with you and the whole "Hurry Home, Savanna!" campaign thing, and now I'm fighting every bone in my body not to do it with Asia. I don't know why I'm this way. Actually, I do. I'm a control freak with an irresistible urge to fix things and occasionally people. He was right, I AM controlling. I didn't want him talking to certain people, I didn't want him smoking, and I most certainly didn't want disrespecting me and other females; I tried to change him and make him a better person because I felt like he owed it not only to himself but to society and everybody's managed to screw over since he got here. Sue me.I'm sure you're asking yourself, "where is all this coming from?" Well, I'll tell you. Latoya called from the hospital and told me to check her messages to see if she had gotten any texts from her boyfriend, so I did. Well, when I got onto her messages, I snooped. Turns out that Latoya had been having sex- with a BUNCH of boys from the looks of it- and NOW, her boyfriend is saying he wants her to get tested for STD's. Latoya told me on the phone that she had STD's before and that she took medication for it but who knows if she's telling the truth or not? After all she did lie to my face and say that he was the only one she had been sleeping with. She DID say they had unprotected sex, and so that makes me worry. That was REALLY dumb. I can't believe Latoya has become this person...it's like she morphed from this fragile kind hearted soul into a damn thot demon with nappy hair and a really bad attitude. I just can't believe it. 

I still don't know what to do about the whole Matt situation. I tried asking Brooklyn who shockingly messaged me yesterday out of the blue but- surprise surprise- she never even read the damn message. I did ask that one guy though, Jaron. I think I'm gonna start talking to him more. He seems like a cool person. In a summarization, he said Matt and I had a toxic relationship and that if I don't leave and protect myself, I will always be in a constant state of "what if?" as he plays my emotions. That advice is like something straight out of a damn Dr. Phil psych 101 book. Despite how scared I am to ask him, I think I need to know how he really feels about me. So again- I still don't know what to do about the whole Matt situation.  

Desperately needing advice,

BFF.