Marissa, the school's ice queen lived with her father and stepmother all these years. Her stepmother only wanted her father's wealth and kept Marissa isolated all these years. Years later, the school's head cheerleader befriended the lonesome Mariss...
How many times have I overlooked it? As much as I want to convince myself that friends do this or this is just how Ashley is, I'd be only be lying to myself. All those times she's kissed my cheek, held me, the shower at school... what were those?
I couldn't even look at Ashley after the kiss. I couldn't even speak; it was like I'd lost my voice.
The way she just did it confused me even more. Does... does Ashley have feelings for me? Did she just confess to me...? For her to tell me I was beautiful, that she loved holding me just before the kiss. Had she meant a deeper meaning towards it?
Had I really been oblivious to Ashley's intentions in the past?
I have no idea what I feel right now. I have nothing against love between the same genders, I've gotten used to so many new things. I have nothing against Ashley liking girls; in fact, it would make so much sense to me if she did.
I know how cruel the world can be especially how I was treated in the past and I would never judge others for their love. What has me at turmoil is what do I feel towards Ashley when she kisses me in a way friends would never do?
I just couldn't do this. I wasn't ready for this now. I didn't hate Ashley, I would never hate her. I just wasn't the type of person that someone can love.
After what I've been through I'd be surprised if I ended up with anyone at all. I can't even have a normal social conversation with strangers without a tiny amount of help included.
I still haven't even gotten myself together. I need to strengthen my heart before I can even do something like this. I'm not ready for a relationship yet or for my new best friend to do this. I don't even know if I can fall in love with someone...
I hadn't even thought of Ashley like that.
Is it so wrong for me to be afraid? Is it really so wrong for me to not want Ashley to give up on me but to still stay with me? I'm not ready for this at all. I don't know how to return someone's feelings but I don't want her to leave me either.
I've been lying in bed this whole time now. The girls must have been tired too because they were all in bed. I'm not sure how I would have been able to act after Ashley's kiss in front of them so I was thankful for this.
Will she want an answer from me? Will she still be my friend after this? I don't want her to leave me for being... so weak. I can get stronger, I've been able to keep my head up high all these years so I know I can get stronger, I just need more time before I get there.
I already knew before that I was actually weak from the start; it was just easier to hide it behind my façade I showed people. Hell, I let my stepmother ruin my life all those years ago that I can't get them back now.
I don't think I can go back to the life I had before meeting Ashley, it just wouldn't be the same. I don't think I could handle her abandoning me.
I felt the bed shift next to me and froze. Ashley must be done now. I held in my breath, she hadn't moved closer me. It took a few minutes before I felt her move into the bed. She still hadn't held me like she normally would have done.
I guess this was what I was dreading for right? It's all over now; she won't treat me like normal anymore. Was what we had really normal at all? I've never really had friends to know what normal was, to begin with.
It may have been a risk but I slowly allowed myself to turn around, I kept my breath held in and faced Ashley. I breathed a little easier when I saw she was faced the other way. I wasn't sure how to take this.
Would Ashley really leave me if I didn't feel the same way? I didn't want that. I didn't want something like this to happen. Why did she have to do that? Why can't she just stay by my side like she's always done? Why does she want to change that?
"Are you asleep?" It was a soft whisper and I knew she had already known I was awake; it was just a gesture from her.
I tried to answer but it came out as a whisper that I wasn't sure if she had heard it at all. A few minutes past and I thought of answering her again but then she spoke.
"Sorry 'bout the kiss..."
I kept my breath held in not knowing what to say. I could see the shimmer of hope for me, there was still a chance for me to save this, but before I could even start anything more Ashley had decided to finish what she was saying.
"... I made a mistake. Just forget anything I said... it never happened. We're just friends... I won't think of you as anything more than that anymore... so don't worry about it."
In that second I felt like my heart stopped. I don't know why but for some reason I felt like I was the one who got rejected and not Ashley. I had no idea why I felt this pain in my chest. I couldn't even will myself to say anything.
I don't know how long I stayed frozen like that but I could tell a large amount of time had passed and Ashley was likely asleep by now.
Sometimes I realize what a fool I really am but I can never really do anything to change that.
I was feeling numb by now, knowing that when morning came I'd be living with the consequences of my actions or better yet no action. Reaching my arm over, I slowly touched Ashley's hair and I noticed the ring I still kept on my finger.
I never realized this before but I don't think I ever took the ring off since Ashley had given it to me.
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