Sharkboy only wants his friends to be happy, and when Linus and Max break up after 12 years of blissful marriage, he has to fix it. When Lavagirl mysteriously disappears, he decides that bringing the two of them on this crazy adventure is the best k...
So we're in Shrek's swamp now...that's a thing. Frankly, I don't understand how this all even happened. One minute Lavagirl is kidnapped, and another I'm riding a motorcycle with my ex-husband and a shirtless shark.
"Excuse me but, I don't remember inviting you three to my solitary paradise," says Shrek, "Just so you know, I was eating an onion before you interrupted me by crashing your motorcycle here. So this better be good."
"Um...so...ya know...funny story but...OH MY GOD YOU'RE SHREK!!!," sequels Sharkboy.
"I think he knows that," whispers Linus.
Suddenly, Sharkboy goes down on his knees and starts bowing to Shrek. He motions for us to join him but I think I'm good just standing here.
"Um ok," says Shrek, "Love the gesture and all but you don't really have to do that."
"BUT YOU ARE A WAR HERO! YOU SINGLE HANDEDLY DEFATED DONALD TRUMP IN SINGLE COMBAT!," yells Sharkboy at the top of his lungs, "YOU BASICALLY ARE MY IDOL!"
Shrek blushes, "Aw, you're kinda cute. Hey, you know what? Why don't you come inside? I'm sure you're tired from traveling all the out into the forest here."
"Um, it was no trouble really. We just came from the highway above you," I say.
"There's a highway above me?"
"Um, turn around dude," says Linus.
Shrek turns around and immediately sees the highway from which Shakboy torpedoed off of.
"Goddammit, that was there the whole time?! I could have totally avoided kidnapping a gaydon if I saw that!" he yells.
"I'm sorry what? What the hell is a gaydon? Is that a new kind of fidget spinner?" says Linus.
"Nevermind, story for another time, come in!" responds Shrek.
We all follow him into his swamp mansion and start to admire the fine furniture and decor. This man really lives in style. He leads us to a small living space and takes a seat in a giant throne.
"Please, make yourself at home," Shrek says with a smile.
Linus and Sharkboy settle onto a cheetah print loveseat, while I go and sit down on a leopard print bean bag.
"Sorry about all the fuss back there, it's just that my son is sleeping and I finally had some downtime from spending all my time raising a child. Anyways, what brings you here today?" he says.
"Well, our friend went missing and we are trying to find her. The only problem is that we have no leads at all. Nothing. Nada. Splat. Woomy," says Sharkboy.
"Ah, so it is a lost friend you are searching for. Well, I know just the person that can help you with that," Shrek says in a low and understanding tone.
"Wait really?! Can you please tell us who it is?! I'll do anything! I'll even put a shirt on!" says Sharkboy bouncing up and down.
"There is no need. I can tell you are in great need of assistance. The person you need to see is the one, the only, Jesus Christ Superstar."
"The lady at 4th-grade church camp was right, I do need Jesus after all," Sharkboy whispers.
"So...how do we find Jesus?" I ask Shrek.
"You do not need to. I already know where he is. My boyfriend Barry just recently went on a search for him, and got his location," Shrek stands up and walks over to a drawer, where he pulls out a single photo and flips it around to show us:
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"He's in Canada?" asks Linus.
"Indeed."
Sharkboy stands up and gives Shrek a big, giant, bone crushing hug. Seriously, dude, tone it down a bit. Sharkboy gives Shrek two giant kisses on his cheeks.
"Thank you so much! I'll never forget this. You're my hero!" he says before promptly running away.
"Now, I wish you guys good luck, and I hope you find your friend," Shrek says.
"Thank you Shrek, you truly are an all star," I say with a slight smirk. Then, Linus and I both turn our backs to him and chase after Sharkboy.
