Love Bites

Impromptu Couple's Therapy: Part 2

Sharkboy's POV

"And after we accidentally walked into that octopus orgy together, I knew he was the one for me," Linus says with a smile. I see Max failing to hide his too. 

"Aw, this is cute. What you two have," I say while pointing my finger back and forth between them. 

Almost immediately after I say this, the two stop smiling and inch away from each other. I shake my head and start writing down stuff on the mysterious clipboard I found. I look up and notice that Max is nervously rubbing his hands together as if there is something he wants to say.

"Max, is there something you would like to share with us?", I ask rubbing my fingers on my chin.

"Um, yeah actually," he turns to Linus and makes eye contact with him, "Linus?"

"Yes?"

"Um, why the FUCK did you cheat on Ivanka Trump of all people?! Like seriously, out of all the affairs you could have had, why with her?!" Max screams at the top of his lungs. I sigh. Just as we were making progress this happens. 

"Well, I've been trying to tell you for forever, but you never give me the chance to say anything."

"So you've got your chance right now! Tell me!"

I look at Linus, who looks at me. He tilts his head as if asking for permission. I nod my head gently to him, silently asking him to elaborate, as I also want to know why he chose Ivanka.

"Well," Linus starts to say, "It happened on the night of John Barrowman's nightly rave at Gayland..." 

Linus POV

Max was originally supposed to come with me to it, as I didn't want to face the excitement of the rave alone. I had never been to one before, and I was slightly afraid of what was going to happen. John Barrowman is the single most amazing person in the world, but sometimes, he can be a bit extreme. So, I practically begged Max to come, and he originally said yes. 

Alas, a day later we got into this really big fight about who should have won the latest season of The Bachelorette. It was a special season, as Memedonia producers took over temporarily and put in their own special contestants. I wanted Caveman Spongebob to win, but Max wanted Evil Kermit to get the final rose. In the end, I showed up to the party alone, and boy, was I in for a treat.

When I got there, the very first thing I saw was a half-naked John Barrowman swinging back and forth on a wrecking ball singing the Miley Cyrus song.

"I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!" he sang triumphantly. 

I'll admit, it was pretty cool. However, in the midst of all the excitement, I lost my man purse. I searched everywhere, by the trash, by the actual trash, by the mysterious room with totally not sexy noises coming from it. It was lost. I had lost my most precious item. Then, I turned around, and there it was, being held by some strange woman. She dramatically looked into my eyes and said,

"Bitch. What the fuck is this?"

"Um, what does it look like? It's my purse," I said slightly annoyed. 

"Bitch no. This is Gucci, and you obviously are not a Gucci gal."

Die, I thought to myself before promptly stating, "Well, it's still mine. So can I have it back?"

"Bit-"

"I swear to go-"

"-ch"

"Don't call me a bitch, cause I'm clearly an asshole."

"Ha. You're a pretty funny bitch. Name's Ivanka," she said while holding her hand out to me. 

I shook her hand, but I would have never expected what such a simple meeting would turn into.