Love Bites

Deus Ex Machina

Sharkboy's POV

This is why you always make sure to keep some spare friends lying around BECAUSE SOMEHOW THEY ALWAYS END UP FALLING OUT OF WINDOWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lavagirl and I rush towards the window and Lavagirl aggressively punches Ivanka into the wall. I mentally prepare myself to see the dark images of Linus and Max's bodies beneath us, however, when I look down, I see nothing.

"Hey," Lavagirl says before hitting me on the shoulder, "do you hear that?"

I listen to a bit more carefully until I hear the flapping of wings above us. My heart drops faster than the beat of a dubstep song. I turn my head to see......

"WHATS UP FUCKERS!?!?! WE GOT OURSELVES A MOTHER FUCKING DRAGOOOONNNNNNN!!!!!!" Max screeches while he and Linus ride atop Beyonce. 

"OH HELL YEAH" Lavagirl screams.

"OH HELL NO," Ivanka yelps. 

But the situation becomes even better, as the people riding Beyonce are not only Linus and Max, but King Barry Bee Benson, Jesus, and SHREKKKKKK!!!!!!! THINGS JUST GOT SO MUCH BETTER!

"Get on losers, we're going to destroy this place!" Jesus eagerly proclaims. 

Beyonce flies closer to the window, while Linus and Max stretch out their arms and hoist us onto her.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" Ivanka cries as she begins to rush towards us before we can get away. She even manages to grab onto me, before Linus kicks her in the face as hard as he can.

"Not today Satan," he says as he soaks in the glory of the moment. I'm so proud of my little sunshine flower, he's come so far.

Once all of us are safe and somewhat sound on the Gaydon, we swoop into the air and begin to fly away. 

"How the hell did you even find us so quickly, and even pull a deus ex machina on Linus and Max's almost deaths?" asks Lavagirl. Shrek opens his mouth in response saying:

"Well, Barry and I were just celebrating our engagement before Jesus came and told us-"

"'I think that Sharkbitch and his friends are probs gonna die if we don't do anything to help them. Those poor children had enough trouble trying to watch The Emoji Movie as is'. That's a direct quote from moi.," Jesus says cutting Shrek off. 

"So, we just kinda hopped onto Beyonce when Jesus summoned her back and we made our way over here," Barry says. 

"Dudes, this is awesome!!!!!!!!!! This is literally the best day ever!" I yell as I dance around wildly.

"We almost died Sharkboy," Linus says while deadpanning me. 

"Yeah, but we're in a cliche story. Of course you were going to fine," I say back.

"Well, it sure didn't feel like it at the time!" he says with some of the most aggressive eye contact I've ever made. 

Gosh, some people can be so sensitive. You always got to find the positives in a dark situation. 

"Ooookkkkkkk, too much tension for me. How about we all celebrate the fact that we managed to escape with no injuries, kinda, got rid of the bad guy, and rescued all of the victims? All while never being caught by Ivanka!" Barry eagerly states. 

He's met with blank stares from all of us. 

"What?"

"I think you just jinxed us babe," Shrek whispers into his ear.

"Well shi-"

Then we hear a loud crash, followed by the sound of Beyonce shrieking, as she begins to tumble fast towards the ground. 

"NOT AGAIN!!!!!" yells Shrek at the top of his lungs. 

We all fling off of Beyonce and spiral into different directions, until Jesus realizes how useful his divine powers can be and gently lifts us up and onto the ground. 

"Couldn't have done that earlier?" Max asks Jesus.

"Nah. I'm a nasty bitch who loves drama."

"Remind me why millions of people pray to you again?" Lavagirl says with the utmost confusion. 

However, before he can respond, we hear the battle cry of what sounds like people rushing towards us. We all turn our heads to see a pissed of, disheveled looking Ivanka with thousands of people behind her. 

"When will this chick ever chill?" I mutter to myself.

"Linus! You have betrayed our love, and for that, you must pay!" screams Ivanka.

"Actually I'm kinda broke at the moment, so I can't really do that right now," he responds with a smirk. This actually makes Max kind of chuckle. YES. The sexual tension and lust for Linus is returning to him. 

"Well, I DO NOT CARE IN THE SLIGHTEST!!!" she pouts before looking at our group and spotting Shrek, "I see you have my father's greatest enemy with you."

"You mean Shrek? Yeah, we totally do," I proudly state. It's not every day you take down a member of the Trump family with your hero.

"Hmm. Well, he may have bested my father and his supporters, but I have something even better. MY FANBASE!!!!" she says while gesturing to the many, many people behind her who all look ready to fight. 

"Dude, I highly doubt all of those people are your fans. You probably paid most of them," I say while narrowing my eyes at her. 

"JUST SHUT UP WILL YOU?!" she says as I can finally see her snap, and it looks like she's about to give the signal to attack. So, I gather all of my faithful friends by my side, and this reminds me of all the reasons I've got to help protect these people from that evil witch. 

I look at King Barry and remember he has a kingdom to look after. I look at Shrek and remember that he is my literal idol. I look at Jesus and remember he's kind of the only reason my group is still alive. I look at Beyonce and remember that she is a queen and cannot be killed by another Trump. I look at Max and Linus and see how their beautiful relationship can only be rekindled if they survive this fight. And finally, I look at Lavagirl and realize that she is my best friend, and maybe love interest? We never really got too deep into that part of the story. Plus, we kind of spent all of this time looking for her and it would totally blow if we were to lose her 15 minutes after finding her. 

"Bros, let's do this! Time to get hella pumped! Let's defend our honor!" I scream while pumping my fist into the air. 

They all scream triumphantly and ready their weapons. Beyonce hisses and readies herself to blow hot spicy fire on Ivanka's fans. Barry sharpens his stinger. Shrek pulls out his trusty stereo, rainbow ropes, and deal with it sunglasses. Lavagirl heats up her lava. Max and Linus crack their knuckles. And I, I pull out my triple axle double kill water gun. It is on. 

We all scream and charge towards Ivanka and her fans, and they do exactly the same. This is war.