Love Bites

Some Drama That Is Going Down

Linus' POV

Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. This is just like running into your ex at the petting zoo, and they spot you, and you spot them, and you both kinda do that awkward thing where you both hide behind the goats and just......ok so this is way worse than that but it still sucks man! Also, she's not my ex and kinda sexually assaulted me in the past so basically FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

"HONEY!!!!! O M JIGGLES!!!! ITS MEEEEEE!!!!! IVANKA!!!!!"

"I can see that," I say before crippling onto the floor into a ball of all my worst anxieties.

"Oh baby, it's ok. Ivanka's got you," she says before proceeding to freaking yeet herself out of the wheelbarrow and attempt to cuddle me.

"YOU DO NOT HAVE MY CONSENT TO TOUCH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screech at the top of my lungs.

"BUT LOVE NEEDS NO CONSENT," she responds with lust in her eyes.

"ASSSSUUUUUULLLLLTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!" I yell as my response to her bold and untruthful, and frankly very unhealthy, claim. I then proceed to kick her, all the while still staying huddled into a ball on the floor. Unfortunately, I don't think my attacks are working very well, as she is still trying to hug me, even while handcuffed, which is kinda impossible when you really think about it.

"Holy fuck this is great footage," I hear Max whisper behind me, before pulling out his Blackberry and start to film me.

"Boi, you betta stop or I'm gonna smack you," Lavagirl responds before grabbing it from him and melting it in her hands.

"Dude...do you have any idea how many good memes I had saved on there?!?!" yells a very angry Max.

"Like you didn't make any hard copies," she says before sticking out her tongue at him.

"coughcoughcough....I hate to interrupt this paaaarrrttayyyyyy, but I think that we should probably at least try to help out Linus," says Sharkboy.

"Did you just say 'coughcoughcough'?" Max responds.

"Whatever."

"Hey dudes, I'd really appreciate some help right now," I say while all the while being rolled around on the floor due to Ivanka's attempts to pick me up without her hands.

"Oh shoot bro yeah," Lavargirl says before bravely coming to my rescue and smacking Ivanka in the head, knocking her down onto the floor. Sharkboy then grabs her and hauls ass back over to the wheelbarrow, where my assaulter is imprisoned once again. Max then helps pull me up and return me to my fully functional state once again.

"Thanks, Max," I say with a smile.

"Don't mention it," he says while stroking my arm.

"That's pretty gay Max," I tease.

"Of course it's gay. We were married for twelve years"

"Still pretty gay though," I smile before walking over to Ivanka.

"Oh thank god. While you and Max were having your YA novel moment, Sharkboy and I have been forced to deal with...this thing," she says while gesturing towards a deranged Ivanka.

I look over at her and see her sucking on her thumb while rocking back and forth on her knees in the wheelbarrow. All I can think is...same. Then, she looks at me. Fuck.

"WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO MEEEEEEEEE???? WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU LINUSSSSSSS," cries a very emotionally charged Ivanka while staring into the mighty depths of my soul.

"What did that bitch just say to me?" I say rather loudly.

"Oh shit, keep it cool Linus. We don't want any crazy character development monologues or anything spontaneous like that" says Max.

"Well hate to disappoint, but ya'll are getting one!" I yell.

"I shouldn't have burned Max's Blackberry," sighs Lavagirl. I shake my head at her before beginning my deep and meaningful monologue.

"Ivanka. Ivanka. Ivanka. What did you do to me? WELL WHERE DO I START?! First, you steal my man purse and make me search for it in the depths of a Gayland rave. Then, you take my car out for a joyride and crash it into my backyard. THEN, you strip naked and make out with me, without even asking for my PERMISSION! AND THEN you force me to get caught not cheating on you by the love of my life. AND FREAKING THEN you end up being the reason my marriage ends and I end up divorced and alone. AND FREAKING FLIPPING THEN you kidnap and take hostage one of my closest friends, forcing me to go on a multi-chapter journey looking for her. AND THEN YOUR LITTLE BITCH ASS has the nerve to ask me, and I mean me, what you ever did to me to make me want to fucking push you out of a window. So, Ivanka. Those are just a few things I have listed off of the top of my head about what horrors you've been responsible for in my life."

"Damn," whispers Lavagirl.

"Solid burn dude," says Max with awe in his eyes.

"I'M SO PROUD OF YOU MY LITTLE SUNSHINE FLOWER! Insult her pathetic little ass," says Sharkboy while clapping furiously.

"You, you really think about me that way? After all, we've been through? I still don't understand why you hate me so much," Ivanka says with trembling lips.

"Did you just listen to a WORD I said?!" I scream at her.

"Apparently not, because I still love you! Do you really hate me so much that you'd want to push me out of a window?" she cries.

"Bitch, I wouldn't hesitate," I say as I slam both my hands on her wheelbarrow.

"Well, guess that settles that then. If you won't have me, then I'll just have to take you with me," she says with pure hatred in her eyes.

"Imsorrywha-", I begin to say before she leaps out of the wheelbarrow once more, rips off her handcuffs with all the brute strength of 18 strippers, and grabs me by my shirt collar.

"YOU ARE COMING DOWN WITH ME! You said you wanted me thrown out of a window? Then you've got yourself a dream come true," she whispers into my ears, before dragging me and running at full speed towards the window at the end of the hall.

"LINUS NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" screams Sharkboy.

"THIS BITCH CRAZYYYY!!!!" yells Lavagirl.

"Oh hell no," says Max, before he starts to chase after us!

Max manages to grab the both Ivanka and I before she jumps out the nearest window until she knocks him over onto his back. She's about to try to jump again before Max leaps up and sucker punches her in the face! However, the punch was just enough to force her to let go of me and send me tumbling back towards the window. Max screams and runs towards me before he is also sent flying as he trips over Ivanka's foot. We both reach the window, and the glass shatters as we begin to fall out of the building, and straight towards our demise. Now that's a cliffhanger.