Love Bites

War

Max's POV

War. War never changes... and war fucking sucks. Here I am with my ex-husband, best friend, a shirtless shark child, one great meme power couple, and literally, Jesus, fighting off Ivanka Trump and her "fans" in the middle of the Land of Pain. Did I mention with a gay dragon to boot? What has my life turned into? Oh wait, I know how to answer that. It's turned into some giant 20 something chapter Wattpad trash story written by a teenager at 3 am. That is my life now.

All jokes aside, I should probably get back to focusing on beating up these dudes.

Linus's POV

Max and I are double timing battling Ivanka's fans as fast as we can. I can't believe she managed to even swing an army like this. There are so many people, and the Land of Pain is really starting to become even more painful due to the fact that every time I fall down, I land on a pile of legos. Now I see how this place got its name. Everywhere I look there is an epic battle occurring. Beyonce is burning down hundreds of people at a time due to her extra spicy fire. Jesus is doing some weird divine disco dance to defend himself, and Shrek and Barry are just going batshit insane. Shrek especially because I think he has some major beef with this place.

I see some crazy white dude carrying a sign with the message, "Make the Land of Pain great again!" plastered onto it. I sprint full speed towards them and punch them right in the dick.

"SUCK IT DUDE! THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE SHOULD BE DISBANDED ANYWAYS!" I scream at them before they cower away in fear of my awesomeness. You know what? I am pretty badass when I want to be. I then turn around to see Max smiling at me.

Max's POV

Remind me why I hated him again?

Sharkboy's POV

"AGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!" I yell as I drown so many of Ivanka's minions in the midst of the battlefield. I have no mercy for these treacherous villains.

I jump back and forth between making a mad dash towards Ivanka and drowning enemies with my triple axle double kill water gun. All while not wearing any shirt if I may add. I know that war is not supposed to feel fun, but is it kind of ok for me to say that it is HELLA FUN when you've got this many memes fighting alongside you? The answer is, yes, yes it is.

Suddenly, I get knocked over by a crowd of teenager girls with poor judgment.

"IVANKA IS A FASHION ICON!!!", they all scream at me.

"You girls need to calm the fuck down and focus on school," I scream back at them.

I try to knock them away but they just won't give up. These damn girls have surprisingly good enough arm strength to pin me down. One of them gives me this crazy look and aims her nail file directly at my heart, with full intent to kill. She just about succeeds until suddenly, her waist is wrapped in rainbow ropes, and is quickly pulled away before she manages to stab me.

"SOMEBODY better best be leaving my friend alone," Shrek yells at her before drop kicking her into the sky, where she then is stung to death by Barry's stinger. Speaking of which, how is he not dead yet? Don't bees die when they lose their stingers???? Whatever, I have other things to deal with. I fight back against the remaining teens until I triumphantly succeed in beating them.

"OMG thank so so much Shrek!!! You are my idol!!!", I eagerly say as I frantically wave at him.

"I'm not letting you down! We are in this fight to win it! I won't let a Trump or their strange fans be your cause of death," he yells back at me.

I form my hands into the shape of a heart to thank him once more and dive straight back into battle.

Lavagirl's POV

Scrubs. Scrubs. Scrubs. Scrubs. Scrubs. Scrubs. This is all I can think of as I fight these noobs, who obviously have no previous experience in this department. The only thing they have going for them is their size, which is still quite easy to dismantle. It's all about efficiency.

My lava powers are in full on beast mode right now, and I'm taking out people left and right. At this rate, we'll win in no time. Unfortunately, Ivanka seems nearly unreachable at this point in time due to a large group of fans forming a tight wall around her to keep her out of harm's way. There's no way we can stop this fight without confronting her. There has to be some way to get those people away from her.

"Hey, Jesus!" I yell at him.

"What's up girl? I'm a bit busy at the moment trying to knock these people out with a little move I like to call, Macarena Massacre," he says before proceeding to do the Macarena all while destroying his attackers with large beams of bright light. I guess when you're the son of god your dance moves hold a lot of power.

"Think there's any way you can get rid of Ivanka's groupies?" I ask.

"Honeyyyyyyyyy, that easy," he says while loudly laughing to himself.

Jesus then fucking leaps at least fifty feet in the air and jumps on top of Beyonce.

"Beyonce, it's time to SLAY!", he screeches loudly enough to be heard all the way back in Canada.

Beyonce responds by zoning her eyes in on Ivanka's fan wall, before swooping down and blowing a giant load of sparkly, yet deadly, rainbow glitter onto it. Ivanka's protectors then fling off into several different directions all at once, which leaves her completely exposed.

"See Lavagirl? Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Now, go squeeze the life out of that evil ho," he says with the biggest smile on his face.

"Way ahead of you dude, I've been waiting forever for this. SHARKBOY! LINUS! MAX!", I scream at them.

They all briefly cease their fighting to look over at me and notice Ivanka's exposure.

"How bout' we go destroy our greatest enemy?" I say with a smirk.

"Let's fucking do this!" Max screams.

"I WANT REVENGE!" Linus responds.

"This will make for one epic conclusion Lavagirl!", Sharkboy yells.

"Guess we have our answer then. CHARGE!!!!!" I scream as we all gather together and rush towards her, hands and weapons raised.