Formula One Shots

Prompt 77 - Lewis Hamilton

Prompt 72: "After everything we have been through, you still don't think that I love you?" for QueenAmi

Warning: The One Shot includes depressive thoughts

lewishamilton liked winnieharlow's post

lewishamilton left a comment under winnieharlow's post: so so beautiful 🔥🔥

You tried your best to bear down the upcoming pain, but you know that you are failing. You already feel that your stomach start cramping and that your headache get worse. Tears are running down your cheek like little rivers. Rivers, which are becoming to waterfalls. There is only one question in your head right now. Why are he doing this to you?

You look at Winnies post, again and again and again. You are unable to lock your mobile phone. You just stare at the picture of her. Lewis is right she is beautiful. Her hair, her skin, her smile and she is one of the nicest person you ever met. She is simply perfect.

You close your eyes you don't want to see the picture anymore, but it's already inside your head. Like a brand. 

So so beautiful.

You don't remember the last time he said this words to you.

So so beatiful.

You stand up, still with your mobile phone in your hand. You have one aim. The mirror. You come to a hold and look at yourself. Your eyes are puffy and red because you are still crying, but it's not the face you hate most about you.
It's your body.
You look at the picture again. She wears a bikini. Skinny but trained. You wish your body would be like hers, but you are fat. Your thighs are too thick and you even got asked if you are pregnant because you have a belly.

Ugly, ugly, ugly.

This word describes you perfectly. It's not beautiful like by Winnie.

It's ugly.

It's not a wonder that Lewis doesn't say it anymore, that you are beautiful or gorgeous, it's because you are ugly.
You are a shame. For him, for his family for his image. The last time he took you to a race is months ago. The only thing you remember about the weekend is, that he hadn't won. Yes, he even had a damage and had to end the race before he saw tha flag. Lewis was so disappointed. You still see his sad expression. So you aren't a lucky charm either.

You can't do anything right.

You sink down onto the ground. You still watch your reflection in the mirror, but something changed. Not only the reflection, but also something inside you. Your sad expression changed into an angry one and you have only one thought. Self-distruction. You clench your right hand to a fist and you start counting.

One

Two

Three

The pain in your hand is a welcoming change of your thoughts. It's not the emotional pain anymore, it's the physical one. You look down. Your hand is covered in blood, but you don't care. You look up. The mirror is shattered, but you are still able to see yourself. You smile. Your reflection is perfect. It's broken, like you.

--

"Hey Lewis! How is your girlfriend Y/N?"
Valtteri asks his teammate. He hasn't seen you in a long time and wondered if everything is alright with you. Little did he know that you suffered under depressions. Lewis never talked about it, not because he is ashamed of it, it's because he wants to protect you. He knows that the smallest things can provoke a panic attack and to tell everyone that you suffered under a mental disease would definitely provoke one. And it's your decision, who should know and who shouldn't.
"Oh, Y/N? Yeah, she is fine" Lewis mumbles.
Valtteri raises one of his eyebrows. The gaze of the iceblue eyes hits Lewis, who cringes.
"Come on, Lewis. Everyone can see that something is wrong. As soon as someone is making a sudden move you look like a little deer. I know, I am not a good talker, but I am a good listener. So what is wrong?"