Formula One Shots

I am scared - Max Verstappen

At first I want to apologise for being absent the last two weeks. I hadn't any inspiration and time to write all the open requests. I hope you all understand.

Furthermore I want to say something about this One Shot, it's not a request but I wanted to write this story for a long time. A good friend of mine, went to the 'German armed forces' 2 months ago. He has already finished the 'basic training' and it's sure that he has to go to a foreign assignment. At least 3 times. And I am scared, I never realised it, until a few days ago.
The following song kind of helping me. I know that some parts of the lyrics sounds brutal, but the message is that soldiers are warriors and that they will always fight. I am so proud of friend, and this One Shot is for every person, who is fighting for a better world. Thank you!

You are standing in front of the class room. You are taking a deep breath, before you go over the borderline to a new life. Your parents broke up a few months ago and you and your mother went to a new life, to a new town.

When you are standing in the new class room, all eyes are focused on you. The new one. You feel exposed and you hate the feeling. In your former class, you were the wallflower, the girl nobody noticed, even your teachers forget your name. It was okay for you. You were used to be the nameless girl.

To escape the glances of your new class mates, you go to the last row and sit down, you are taking out your memo pad and start drawing. You know that you have to say something later or that you have to open yourself to find new friends.

Suddenly the chair beside you is moving. A boy is sitting down and look at your sketch. You feel embarrassed, normally you never show somebody your paintings. They are like a diary for you.
"That looks beautiful," you look up, not able to say a word. Your gaze is meeting his. And the moment you saw into this clear blue eyes, you know that you are lost. That you will fall, for the love of your life, Max.

You have closed your eyes, smiling at the memory you just had. Everything changed, you weren't the wallflower anymore, you learned to open yourself or to show how talented you are. You still draw to clear your mind, to show the words, you aren't able to say.

You never painted with dark colours, until now. Max went to the army a few weeks ago and his crontact includes to go to, at least, 3 foreign assignments. You are scared, not of being alone for over 3 months, no you are scared to lose the person, you have fallen for.
You are scared that war will change him and you know that the last one is inescapable. War changes people, It's cruel, it's brutal and you can't imagine it until you was there. Nobody knows how soldiers come back from their assignments. Nobody can tell you, what will happen.

Every time you say your boyfriend is soldier, they are amassed. Especially the girls, they imagines the soldiers as sex symbols. They only seeing the men in uniform, how sexy they are, the beast between the sheets.
They don't notice, how dangerous this job is, they even think it's fun.
But it isn't, every time you turn on the television to watch the news you are scared, that another terror attack had happened or that new troops will be send into the war zone.

You know that you have to say goodbye to Max one day, that he will kiss you one last time, before he enters the plane, which is bringing him to the most dangerous places, but you weren't prepared that this will happen in a month. Max called you yesterday, that he has to leave. The basement of his companions is under fire. They need new equipment and more soldiers, who can help them and this time Max is one of them. He will be the youngest, he is so proud that he can finally serve his fatherland and while he is telling you the details about his upcoming adventure, you carefully listen and crying out your soul. So many questions are running through your mind.

Is he ready for the war?

Is his mind as strong as the Antarctic ice?

Is he ready to shoot at people?

Will Max tell you everything?

But there is one question, which is bothering you the most.

Can you live together with a murderer?

Many persons are saying that it's okay to kill people in war, because they are cruel. That they can't consider destinies, but can you deal with it?
To say something is easy, to stand face to face with the problem is another story.

Have you ever read 'American Sniper'?
It shows, how some soldiers deals with death. It shows that soldiers aren't machines. They know that they kill people, but they also know if the person is dead, they can't kill one of the companions. They believe they did a good thing. At least some of the soldiers believe in it. The famous American Sniper, was ready to kill people, even kids. He was the perfect example, but not every soldier has such a 'strong' mind. They are soldiers, who can't deal with it.

You have talked to a former soldier, a friend of your family. He said, especially the young soldiers have problems to deal with it. That some of his companions commited suicide, because they got a letter from their girlfriend, that they can't do it anymore, to live with the permanent anxiety to loose their boyfriend, so they are breaking up. You never heard of that? It's because nobody should know that. It's a weak point. It shows that soldiers are human, that soldiers are scared, too. That they have feelings. And that's the point. Soldiers should be machines, the enemies should be scared.

--

Max is coming home for two weeks and then? He has to go. You never talked with him about the things, which are bothering you. You never showed him the black drawings you made, because you know, that he will understand them. You want to be the strong girlfriend, who is fine with everything. That Max isn't worried. He has to be fully concentrated, to come back to you healthy.

The two weeks are over. You visited your families, you went to theme parks and every stupid idea you had, went to reality. It was the best time of your life. You were in your own bubble, until reality hits you like a truck. Max has to go.
Over 3 months.
100 days.
2.400 hours.
Over 8 million seconds.

You are already counting.
You can't wait to kiss Max again, to feel his warmth beside you.
To see him again.

Your anchor are the phone calls you are getting from time to time, even you are every time scared that another soldier is on the end, that somebody is telling you that he got injured or worse, killed, but that wasn't the case. Never. He got back to you. Love is stronger than a war can ever be.