Living My Dream (Book 2)

what doesn't kill you

My father always told me what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. That didn't seem to be the case for me. Telling Chester that I wasn't sure If I could give him another chance about killed me. It made me hurt so much inside it was unreal. He would have to go a long way to prove he was serious about things, that he could be honest with me. I never had a reason to doubt him before but he should have told me he was married, not only that if he was unfaithful to her would he do it to me? That question lingered in my mind for hours.these thoughts raced through my mind as soon as I opened my eyes this morning.
I woke up in the same large bed I was in with Jacoby last night. Shit I thought I can't believe I had sex with him, but I guess it doesn't matter. I was angry at Chester and I guess i used Jacoby to get back at him, but it didn't work out that way actaully I felt terrible for doing it.
I pulled myself out of the large bed and made my way into the front of the bus.
"Hey Hottness!" Jacoby called to me. "How did you sleep?" He asked.
"Okay I guess but how did I end up in there?" I questioned.
"I carried you back there last night when we all came back from the party." He stated. "You looked pretty uncomfortable on that couch." He added.
"I was fine you could have left me there." I stated plainly.
"No way you needed a good nights sleep!" He replied. "Besides we didn't work out the sleeping arrangements very well. Normally the guys and I take turns sleeping in the good bed and the rest of us in our bunks, but since we added a person we are down a bunk. We just have to figure out another arrangement. You could share a bunk with someone, or you could share the bed with someone if you'd like. At least until we get another bed in here. You don't have to worry about the guys, none of them are dumb enough to fuck with you. If they do they have me to deal with and they don't want that He stated laughing.
"Okay well perhaps since I know you better than the rest of the guys I will share a bunk with you." I stated. "If that would be okay?" I asked him.
"Sure!" He said giving me a wink.
"No funny business Shaddix just sleeping!" I shouted at him.
"Got it got it!" He replied smiling.
"So what is on the agenda for the day?" I asked.
"We have a show tonight in New Jersey, then we will be heading out after the show!" He stated. You did quite a bit of work last night, so you can sit this one out if you want! Just kinda kick back and enjoy the show, you can take a few pics at the meet and greet if you want but you don't really need to work tonight He added.
I could tell he was trying to be nice, he knew i had a rough night last night fighting with chester and all. I appreciated his understanding, I just hoped he wasn't mistaking last night for the start of a relationship.
My heart has always belonged to Chester and it probably always would. Unfortunately for me that meant nothing, because I couldn't have him. I need to put all of this behind me so i don't lose his friendship. As hard as it would be to stay just friends, it would be better than not having him in my life at all.
Maybe after his set we could hang out for a while since I don't have to work tonight. We could actually sit down and talk about things, and try to make things right between us again. It would definitely make this tour more bearable. I hate being angry at him, and I know that me not talking to him is getting to him. The last thing I wanted to do was push him back to all the drug use, I wonder how he was doing with that anyway? We haven't talked about it since I have been back.
We had a good bit of time before the concert started tonight so i figured I would go out for a while and get some lunch, maybe even go shopping. I called for a cab and got myself dressed, not cute like usual but i didn't care today. I walked out of the tour bus in my sweats and my hoodie, when I rounded the back of the bus i was met by a familiar face.
"Geez Chester you scared the shit out of me!" I exclaimed.
"Sorry!" He stated laughing his ass off.
"Where you off too?" He questioned.
"I'm going to get some food and maybe go shopping for a while." I replied.
"Oh okay" he replied. "Roxie, I really am sorry!" he stated.
"I know you are Ches, and I'm sorry I yelled at you." I replied. " I was just so angry that you didn't tell me!" I added. "None the less I shouldn't have yelled at you like that." I stated sincerely.
"Would you like some company?" He asked with a half smile.
"Sure that would be great!" I stated.
I gave him a hug and we made our way out to the cab, chester as always opened the door letting me get in first. The ride into town was pretty quiet other than Chester telling the driver where he wanted to go. We ended up at a tiny little resteraunt in the middle of New Jersey. It didn't look like much from the outside, but the inside was amazing. It was a little sports bar, they had several huge tv's with different games playing and it smelled so good in there. We sat down at the bar and Chaz ordered each of us a beer, nothing too strong since he had a show tonight.
"What are you having babe?" He asked me. "Shit I'm sorry Rox, I didn't mean to call you that it's just.. Well old habits die hard." He explained to me.
"It's okay Ches, I know you still have feelings for me. All we can do is stay friends and see where things go in the future!" I spoke honesty. "I won't condone you being unfaithful to your wife, but I don't want you out of mine either." I added, if you decide to divorce her then that is your choice and we will go from there. But I dont want to be the reason you end your marriage, if you do get a divorce it should be because you don't live her anymore not because you just want something else. I didn't come back to ruin your life, I simply came here for my career. It just so happens that we crossed paths again, and neither of us could have known that it would happen. I'll admit I was angry when I found out, but I was just hurt because I still loved you. Then I realized that you didn't mean to hurt me, that sometimes things just happen. It will take some time to get used to but it's okay, just promise me we will stay friends and stay in touch once this tour is over.
"I promise Roxie!" He replied. " I meant what I said about Samantha!" He stated. "If I would have known I would see you again, I would have never gotten married." He added. Don't get me wrong Rox, I love sam. She is great and Im just a jackass, she has done so much for me over the years. Honestly I don't know where I would be without her, probably dead. She has dealt with a lot of shit from me, but one thing that I have never been is unfaithful to her. That is until you came back into my life, and I didn't really mean for that to happen. Dont get me wrong I wouldn't change it or take it back, but I would have never done it intentionally to hurt her or you. I just lost control of my emotions and I was wasted and high as fuck. When you left Rox I fell apart, and I dont mean a little bit. I mean rock fucking bottom, I ended up working at burger king just to make money to buy my dope. Meth,coke, herion, you name it i was doing it just about everyday. Sam loved me for me and she dealt with it, she helped me get through everything and helped me cut back on the drugs again. After I started getting a little bit better, I decided I should return the kindness and give her a honest chance. At first she was just a friend with benifits, and then I actually started to care for her. After thinking about it, I came to terms with the fact I was never going to see you again that I needed to move on so I proposed to Sam. We have been married since october of 1996. I know you don't want to hear all of this but I owe you an explaination.
"Chester you don't owe me any explaination!" I told him sincerely. "I went away, and you had no idea what was going, you thought I didn't want you and you moved on. You don't need to apologize to me!" I said again.
"But I still feel terrible about it" he stated. "You were the love of my life roxie and now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
"Chaz you just need to sort your feelings out!" I said. "But right now lets just enjoy eachothers company and have a good time!" I suggested.
"Okay how about hot wings? He asked.
"That sounds amazing!" I agreed. "Oh and some cheese sticks!" I added last minute.
Chester ordered our food and we sat back to watch one of the games on tv.
We sat there talking and eating for about an hour and a half, until we were both so full we could barely move.
"I probably shouldn't have ate that much before a show!" He said rubbing his stomach. "Im going to be a sick mother fucker later!" He exclaimed.
"You will be okay, if you get sick I will take care of you!" I told him.
We went outside to have a smoke and wait on another cab to take us back to the venue.