Living My Dream (Book 2)

I almost told you that I love you

Roxies Pov
When I woke up this morning I was still wrapped in Jacoby's arms. Although I felt safe and secure I couldn't understand what happened. What is this sudden change in his behavior? The more I thought about it i became seriously concerned he couldn't fall for me. He was a great guy really, but I knew I could never give him what he deserved. Chester would always hold the bigger part of my heart and It just wouldn't be right for me to get involved with Shaddix knowing in the end I would break his heart. I could never love him the way I did Chester, even though I knew I couldn't have him it didn't lessen my love for him. I needed to end this with Shaddix and I had to do it before it was too late. I never wanted to hurt anyone and that is the road im going down. I climbed out of my bed and went to change my clothes. I decided to go get the two of us some coffee and then we were going to sit down and have a serious talk, I just hope its not too late to save his heart. When this thing started between us, I never would have thought he would develop feelings for me. Actually he promised me he wouldnt, maybe I am overreacting. Either way we need to talk about things and this needs to end. I thought about everything long and hard while I was walking to the coffee shop and back. When I got back into the hotel room Jacoby was sitting up in the bed smoking a cigarette.
"Where were you?" He asked me.
"I went to get us some coffee!" I replied handing him a large cup from Starbucks.
"Thanks babe!" He stated and I cringed a bit.
"Jacoby we need to talk!" I said bluntly. "I want you to know that I appreciate everything you did for me last night!" I started. "It meant a lot to me. You came up here because you were actually worried about me, and you were so sweet to comfort me when you knew i needed it the most." I continued. "But this can't happen" i said bluntly. "You can't have feelings for me Jacoby, you promised. I care for you I really do but I can't do this. I can't let this continue between us, It will only break both of our hearts. You know i can't love you like you deserve to be loved because I will always love chester. This was supposed to be just fun, just sex and it's turning into something more. Don't even try to deny it because you know its true!" I finished.
"Roxie it's okay!" He replied calmly. " I will admit I have been having some strange feelings lately, I almost told you I loved you last night but it wouldn't be true. Don't get me wrong I like you a lot, and I care for you a lot but it isn't love. I know you could never give me your whole heart, and I never intended on making you more confused and hurt. It was supposed to be just fun, a casual hook up here and there but it has became more than that. I agree with you on that part, but when I sit back and think about it I have been fucked up for a while now and the feelings I have developed for you have opened my eyes. You don't know this but I lost my wife last year, I fucked up so bad I lost her. We have been together since high school, and I love her more than anything but I fucked up too many times and she finally gave up on my broken promises. You remind me of her in so many ways, but you arnt her and I need to remember that. If I could I would do anything for her to take me back, thats why i spent the last year just fucking every chick i seen and tossing them out. Because I didn't want to catch feelings and go through all that shit again, but what I realise now is I need to change my ways for real this time and put my effort into getting my wifes love back. Hopefully it isnt too late, she hasn't actually filed for divorce yet so with some hope she still loves me a little. At least enough to give me time to prove I've changed before she makes a final decision about the divorce. Thank you for opening my eyes again Roxie, for making me realize I need to feel things again. Just promise me one thing please if you ever need help or someone to talk to come to me. Even though we arnt going to continue whatever this is between us, I will always be here for you and i will always care for you no matter what. You have helped me in ways you'll probably never understand, and i will forever be greatful. Whatever happens babe keep your head up and don't let this shit with Chester break you, I think one of these days things will look up for you. Focus on putting the past behind you and taking control of your future.
With that he grabbed his shirt and slipped it on before giving me a hug and kissing my cheek. He walked out the door and found myself wondering if I made the right decision. Did I just let a good thing go or did I dodge a speeding bullet. I guess now we will never know, and it was probably for the best.