Perfectly Imperfect

Dieciséis: Breach

It's been a full week since the whole trash can incident, and the talk has died down. I've only had to defend myself twice since I got here. . . Yay? The sad thing is I walked in the door less than 10min. ago.

Another thing it's been a full week since is the last time Sam came to school. She left early Monday and didn't come back the rest of the week. I haven't seen her around today either. Of course, I did just get here 11min. ago.

  You're probably wondering why I care. It's because she hangs out with the guys(the only people I can have a civilized conversation with), and it's just an observation I've made.

  I'm kind of jealous. This week the teachers decided to bombard us with pop-quizzes they were taking as test grades. I nearly had a panic attack in algebra when I got the test and, at first, my mind was coming up blank. But, something ended up clicking and everything was Gucci.

I wonder what we're having for lunch. Is it gonna be the same as last week? I really hope-

"Hey um, Carmen. . . Can I talk to you?", Sam asked awkwardly with her hands shoved into her pockets, interrupting my thoughts of my favorite part of the day. She didn't meet my eyes, which is unlike her. She usually stands and speaks with such confidence. At the moment, she looks awkward, and I'd even go as far as to say timid. A word I never thought I'd be using in relation to Sam.

"Yeah what's up?" I said furrowing my brow, concerned. I tried not to show it though. I've noticed she's the kind of person who correlates people being concerned or wanting to help her out with being seen as week, which has never been farther from the truth. At least, not in this case.

She looks up, and I notice her eyes are puffy. There's also a glossiness to them that makes it look like. . . She's been crying.

"Okay. . . Um, I. . .", she looks like she's torn, and having an internal battle with herself. "This was stupid. I've gotta go."

"No," I said grabbing her shoulder. She is definitely not okay. I'm not just going to pretend like she is and let her walk off. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head. "I don't even know why I came over here." Tears are starting to well up in her eyes. "I don't know what I was thinking. What I thought I was going to say."

She tries to walk off again, but I stop her. I look her in the eyes and something in them just screams 'help'.

Within the next second she just. . . Gives in to whatever emotion she was feeling, and lets herself cry into my shoulder.

I wrap my arms around her and decide it's best to just let her cry. To let her let everything she's feeling out. We slide down the lockers to the floor and forget all about going to first period.

-.-.-.-

Ring.

The bell signifying the end of first period rang and Sam quickly wiped the tears from her face, not wanting anyone to be aware of her little wall breach.

She got up hastily from the floor, and I followed.

She looked into my eyes with what I can only call sincerity. "Thank you."

I nodded. "Of course."

She shook her head and studied me, then her gaze came back to my eyes, only to shoot back down to her feet. "What I'm about to say is the stupidest, weakest, most embarrassing thing I've ever said or done." She paused. "And I just cried into your shoulder for an hour straight."

My eyebrows drew together, curious of what she's about to say, but already knowing it's not going to meet her criteria.

"Are you free after school?"

-.-.-.-

  The last bell rang and I met with Sam on the steps. She looks pretty close to normal. If I didn't know something was up, I'd have no idea she's not feeling her sarcastic, confident, sassy self. I probably wouldn't notice the bags under her eyes, that are slightly more prominent than usual. Or the way she's ever so slightly hanging her head and shoulders. Or how she has a murkiness about her eyes that won't let you know exactly what she's feeling. . . Or, maybe that's how they always are and I just didn't notice until I saw them without it.

  She smiled a week smile at me, and I gave her a half smile in return, with only one side of my lips turning up.

  We got into step with each other, and she immediately went back to being awkward and timid like she was this morning. For some reason, seeing this part of Sam just makes me uncomfortable. I think it's because I know it's so out of character, and whatever this mystery problem is must be really bothering her.

  Again. You're probably wondering why I care. I actually don't have an answer for you this time. I just do. I know that's not a good reason, but I'm going with it 'cause, right now, it's all I've got.

  We started walking to the park that's down the road from school. It's basically abandoned because of what terrible condition it's in, so we'll have privacy.

  We sit on a bench on opposite sides of each other, just staring into each other's eyes. From other people's perspectives it probably looked pretty weird. But for me, I was wondering what she was feeling and what could have possibly made her feel it. She was probably collecting her thoughts and thinking of that very thing.

  My curiosity was growing, but I didn't want to pry.

What also kept weaseling its way into my thoughts was why she came to me in the first place. I'm not an idiot. It's no secret Sam doesn't like me. I even saw her laughing during the trash can bit. Not that I was expecting her not to. Like I said, I'm not naive to the fact she doesn't like me. So, why me?

  After what felt like forever — but was probably only a few seconds — her wall came down again, and she became visibly more somber.

  My eyes soften. I don't know how to help if I don't know what's wrong. It hurts me to see her so upset.

  "Sam.", I put my hand on her shoulder.

  . . . I'm not sure what I was planning to say after that.

  Oh yeah, I remember. I didn't plan anything!

  She looks up at me with her teary eyes and lets out a sad laugh. "I should probably tell you why I've just started balling right in front of you twice today."

  I keep my full attention on her.

She let her next words slowly roll off her tongue. Almost as if she was taking it in herself.

"Um, well. . . My mom just left."

—————————

  Hopefully y'all didn't mind how long I took to develop Carmen's understanding of Sam's emotions in this chapter. That was basically the whole thing. That was kinda the goal, understanding Sam's emotion. I'll get to all the outside stuff the next chapter. Again, hopefully it wasn't too painfully boring:)

  Chap. 16

  "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."
-Nietzsche

  Hope you enjoyed:) See ya.