Avengers The Captain's Secret

Part 48: Fatherhood

LOKI POV

Nothing could keep me away from this.

Thank the heavens for my mother, who understood. Odin didn't. He never understood me. At least Thor tried from time to time, but that's brotherhood for you. We all met on the bridge-Mother, Thor, Tony, Steve (that's going to take some getting used to), Lesedi and me. There were no real goodbyes except when it came to Steve and Lesedi.

They stood facing each other, silent. They seemed to have so much to say and yet said almost nothing. It was then I noticed the jewelry--made from the iced fire.

"Hurry back," she said with a bright tearful smile.

"I am missing you already," he admitted with a small smile of his own.

She put her hand on the stone, and I could have sworn it glowed. "Think of me, and I'll think of you?"

Her kissed her ring, not letting go of her hand. "Always."

"Always."

He took her in his arms, and kissed her. It was intense at first-they held and stroked each other as if we weren't even there-and I realized that they were saying everything they dared not say aloud. I glanced at Thor, and I saw his sadness. Was this how he felt about that Jane Foster person? Tony took a deep breath. I was sure he wanted to get home, watching this wasn't helping. Even Heimdall looked affected. After the kiss became more tender, they sighed, and Steve kissed her nose.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you," she echoed softly, kissing the star on his chest.

Steve took a deep breath as if for strength and stepped back toward where Thor and Tony awaited. He turned on his heel, military style, and strode to where they were going to descend to Midgard. He looked around and then at her, mustering up a small smile, and she straightened, smiling and nodding as if they knew when they were going to see each other again.

In a breath, they were gone. I stood there, watching her from behind. Her breathing became harsh, her shoulders rising and falling. She shook her head and covered her mouth with her hand, coming down on one knee, and then because it was hard to breathe, she completely knelt and doubled over, and the sobs came.

I rushed to her, fell on my knees beside her. She'd lost so much. It wasn't fair. 

"You," she whispered, crying. "What are you sad about?"

"You're in pain." When she shrugged and shook her head, I said, "You're my daughter, how can you think you don't affect me?"

She stiffened when I touched her shoulder. "I feel your sadness for me, but--"

"Just this once, Lesedi," I whispered. "Just this once, let me be your father, let me be here." I gave a small humorless chuckle. "I'll never be Coulson, but I do give a damn." To my relief, she leaned on me, drawing a shaky breath.

"I-I don't know how I'm going to do this."

I tried not to cry, but I couldn't stop the tears from coming to my eyes. "Seconds turn into minutes, minutes turn into hours, hours into days...just breathe. That's all you have to do for now."

Heimdall looked down at me. He looked impressed. I had been raised by Frigga, and she was the most wise and loving mother in Asgard as far as I was concerned. I'd learned a few things from her. I rose with her. She was leaning on me.

"Mother, I'd like to--"

"Escort her to her room, watch over her for awhile?" she finished. "I'll join you."

Sometime later, we were watching Lesedi sleep. She was exhausted and the day had just begun. I looked at her, really looked at her. She had her mother's eyes and nose, but the shape of her mouth and chin were mine. She looked so childlike, curled up with that rodent she called a pet. I thought a foalnir would be better. Maybe I could talk her into it. Asgardian stallions are quite intelligent and powerful. I suddenly felt biased. 

"What are you planning?"

I came out of my daze. "What?"

"You haven't moved a toe out of line, and I know you," Frigga frowned. "What are you up to?"

"Absolutely nothing, Mother," I replied simply. "I just have another reason to stay here, is all, even if it is in a cell."

"You're not fooling me, son, you are biding your time."

I opened my mouth to deny it, but didn't see a point. "Maybe," I shrugged. "But this is a wonderful way to do it."